“Because of Vaughn and Shaw.”
“I don’t know. I think it’s all of it. I want to be over Josh. I hate thinking about him. I hate that there’s, like, a specter of him behind every decision I make. I hate how every relationship I have from now until forever, I’ll be thinking about what if, what if, what if with Josh. I’ve stopped blaming myself for what happened, but I still think about him way more than I’d like to.”
“And now there’s two more men.”
“Two. More. Men. And they are actually here. Shaw is, oh my god. You’d want to fight him. He’s like Silas and Maya mashed into one person, turned up to eleven. Grouchy and sarcastic.” Liz looks at the wall and I think she’s trying to picture her gruff husband crossed with her hilarious best friend on the farm and coworker in the bakery. “Yeah, I don’t know. That’s a lot.”
“He’s amazing in bed, though,” I sniffle. “Just the bees knees.”
“Okay,” she laughs. “And what about Vaughn?”
“He’s—Vaughn’s just the best. Liz, he’s like the nicest man I’ve ever met. Sweet, tall, slim. He wears these wire-rim glasses that are always slipping down his nose. It’s cute as fuck. And he really, really wanted to take care of me. He’s so thoughtful.”
“Oh, you know I love a tall-slim. Remember Karick?”
“Yes,” I manage to laugh. Liz’s tall, skinny boyfriend from high school was a lanky, goofy fool who ran into the night with Liz’s virginity and her heart. She probably would have married him if his family hadn’t moved away. “Vaughn reminds of him, a little, but he’s sweeter, if you can believe it. He’s an attorney, too. So, we have that in common. Kinda.”
“Okay. So, a sarcastic ass, which is truly what you deserve, a little taste of your own medicine. And a complete sweetheart who passed the bar.”
“Yup.”
“Okay. It seems like the cops are going to leave you alone. If this wasn’t the messiest of messy situations, would you want to get back together with them?”
“I think that’s the problem. We were all pretending it was just sex. I didn’t let myself think it could be something more.”
“Well, if it could?”
“I’d want to keep them both, like forever, but I don’t know how to do that. People can say they are so open minded, but I don’t want to lose my job ’cause I have two boyfriends. I feel like if I tell them how I feel, I’d just be fucking up all of our lives. Well, mine and Vaughn’s. Shaw’s perfectly fine with his isolationist woodworking.”
“Right, I forgot you actually enjoy your job,” Liz says. She had no problem leaving corporate law to become a baker and marry her farmer man. She’d hated her job and her firm. “Here’s how I see it. If you really have feelings for them, you should tell them and the three of you should give this a real shot. If they aren’t into it, then you have your answer and you can step back. When you’re ready, we’ll help you find someone great. I mean, I never liked Josh.”
“Bitch,” I whisper harshly. “Yes, you did. You loved Josh.”
“Okay, fine. Whatever. I liked Josh. I mean, I really liked Josh’s dad. He still comments on all of our posts.”
“He’s a good dude.”
“But yeah, if this has a chance of being anything, don’t, like, slink around with them on the Cape. Not that you were slinking, but you know. Bring them around. Let us get to know them. Let the girls get to know them. Let us dig around in their social media accounts and quietly judge them behind their backs. Let the woodworking one arm wrestle Silas for our entertainment.”
“I wouldn’t hate that.”
“If you guys work, if they fit in your life, then we can worry about you losing your job later. Also, you don’t have to tell your boss that you’re dating both of them. I mean, do you know about the personal lives of everyone in your office?”
“No,” I admit. “One of our A.D.A.s never tells us what he even had for lunch, let alone what and who he’s doing outside of the office. And Shaw and Vaughn don’t even live together right now.”
“Psssht. See? Let’s worry about one thing at a time. If you want a real relationship with them, then you have to try in a real way. You’ll sort out the rest. If you just want to sneak around and bang them, sneak around and bang someone closer to home. Like, I wouldn’t go any further than Yonkers. You’re just wasting gas at this point.”
Okay, so that makes me laugh. “You’re right. But I doubt they want anything to do with me now. I kept waffling, going back and forth. I’m sure they are sick of my shit.”
“Maybe they like waffles,” she says, nudging my shoulder.
“Wow. That was fucking terrible. Just, wow.”
“Whatever. I spend all day with young children. My sense of humor is now catered toward the Sesame Street crowd.”
“I’m sure they get your best material.”
“Hey, I love you and I want you to be happy. Maybe it takes two men to make that happen. Big Boobie Brook is a whole lotta woman.”
