“Fair enough. Vaughn, anything to report?”
He looks at me, his jaw working. “Not at this time, sir.”
I know he’s fucking lying, but I don’t push him. Not now, ’cause I know what he’s going to say. I can see it all over his face. I could see it in the way he was holding her. He wants the go-ahead to fall in love with Brook.
Ten
Brooklyn
I’ve made my way to the other end of the house, to the addition with its new floors and higher ceilings. There’s a bedroom here and Shaw’s playroom. Shaw and Vaughn have been amazing so far. I don’t know what to do with these open, positive conversations we keep having. I decide to file away this open communication as something I want with a future partner. It’s something I didn’t have with Josh.
I also file Vaughn’s love of full nudity away as well. I’ll keep it right in the front of my brain for the next time I’m alone and think about calling someone like Deek.
I join them in the playroom. It’s a large, modern space with high, vaulted ceilings and one of those rubber, gym-type floors, I assume for easier clean up and traction. Shaw’s in a cabinet in a far corner looking for something, still wearing jeans and the henley he put on before dinner when the temperature started to drop. Vaughn is butt-ass naked, coiling a length of rope around his elbow and thumb. They’ve given me a choice. I can watch or I can participate. Truthfully, a bitch is scared. I want to say I feel free to dive right into whatever freaky shit Shaw has in his mind to do to Vaughn, but from the moment I stepped into the room, I’ve been speechless.
I’m not naive. I have a sense of what sex dungeons look like. I’ve crafted the finer points of one in my imagination. Still, standing on the threshold, trying to take in every piece of furniture and contraption and the miles and miles of rope hanging on the walls, has me overwhelmed.
“Did you make all this stuff?” I asked Shaw. The room has stocks, some massive wooden X thing, three chairs with different holes and headrests, and two different benches with metal rings that I’m guessing are for rope and chains. There’s a sex rocker too, one of those seats that lets you strap a dildo to it so you can fuck yourself with a swing of your hips.
Shaw closes the cabinet doors and comes back across the room. “No, we bought most of it. I like to keep my work and play separate. Also, it’s much quicker to order something than to make it.”
“Fair enough.”
“I did make that bench, he says, nodding toward the wooden seat near Vaughn. “I couldn’t find what I wanted to work with Vaughn’s long legs.”
“Ah.”
“So. How are you feeling?”
I feel my brows draw together as I frown. “I’m still not sure.”
Shaw takes my hand and walks me over to the bench in question. There’s plenty of room for us to sit beside each other. “Talk to me.”
I glance over as Vaughn hangs the rope back on the wall, then comes over to join us. It’s hard to take my eyes off his rising erection. He stops in front of us. Something about his cock being at eye-level and just fucking out there while I’m trying bare my soul to Shaw should feel inappropriate, but it doesn’t. Vaughn seems happy. He seems comfortable. I want him to be naked and happy. And I don’t mind that his half-filled cock is inches away from my face. I don’t mind it at all.
“I think I’m limiting myself because I’m scared.”
“What are you scared of?” Vaughn asks.
“In a larger sense, the lasting, global impact of white supremacy. But, right now?”
“Yeah, right now,” Shaw laughs.
“I want to trust you both enough to let myself do whatever, but I’m just not there yet.” I stop myself before I apologize. I don’t need to be sorry for that. Vaughn and Shaw are great, but I’m taking a risk being here alone with them in this way. I don’t think they are gonna kill me or anything, but…
“What’s one thing you want to do tonight, but you’re afraid to ask for it?”
“Well, I still feel like I’m getting in your way. You’re both just so ready. I feel like I’m slowing down your night.”
“Vaughn, does your night feel interrupted?” Shaw says.
“No. Yours?”
“Fuck no. Try again.”
“Okay, fine. I want you to tie me up, but not in a way that’s gonna make it difficult for me to walk tomorrow and I want you both to fuck me at the same time. I also want to watch you two fuck each other. I think I would feel weird literally standing there watching, though.”
“Okay. Vaughny, what do you need tonight?”
