“And that’s a very interesting chair.” Mason tipped his chin toward the oversized ladder-back chair sitting in the corner.
“It’s a sex chair,” Xeni blurted out.
“A sex chair for a sex witch,” Mason joked.
“Pretty much.”
He walked over and examined it more closely. “May I?” he asked.
“Yeah, of course. Make yourself comfortable,” she replied, her voice squeaking a little bit. Mason took a seat. Heat flashed over Xeni’s whole body at the sight of him sitting there. She’d pictured it more than a hundred times and none of her fantasies had come close to the real thing.
“Has the sex chair gotten much use?” he asked.
“Uhh… solo use? Yes.”
Mason glanced up at her before he ran his fingers over the wide set arms. “Is that mirror always there?”
Xeni swallowed and considered taking a seat on the bed before her knees gave out. “Yes.”
“So, what you’re telling me is that you sit in this chair and masturbate every night while looking in that mirror.”
“Well, not every night. Lesson plans take up a lot of time, even for kindergarteners. But yeah, sometimes, I guess.”
“I see.” Mason leaned forward and pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket before making himself comfortable again. “I finally saw Practical Magic.”
“Oh yeah?” Xeni laughed. “What do you think?”
“Stellar performance by Sandy Bullock and that Aidan Quinn’s a total babe.”
“He is,” Xeni laughed even harder.
“It inspired me to make a list of my own. I asked my mom about homegrown witchcraft and love spells, and after she lectured me about feminist struggles across Scottish history and midwifery and not toying with curses and Catholicism? This is what I came up with.” He made a big show of clearing his throat. “What I Want From Life: A Comprehensive Accounting, by Mason McInroy, Age Thirty Six.”
Xeni bit her lip, not sure whether to laugh or cry.
“Actually, why don’t you come over here and read it yourself.”
Xeni crossed the room and took a seat on Mason’s lap. She stopped herself just shy of settling into his warmth, perching herself carefully just above his knee. She needed to know first. She needed to be sure. He handed her the piece of paper and Xeni was shocked to find there was no list at all. She read the words on the page, a few fat tears running down her cheeks.
“Go ahead and read it out loud,” he said quietly. His fingers brushed her skirt aside and settled on her thigh. With his other hand, he took her fingers in his and jostled her rings a bit, letting her know that he’d seen them just like she’d seen his.
“I want Xeni Everly-Wilkins to remain my wife from here forward. With her by my side, the rest will take care of itself,” Xeni managed to say.
“I hate doing dishes,” Mason said. “But I scrub a mean toilet and since I’m no longer cooking for a living, I’ll happily do the cooking for you.”
“That all sounds amazing, but what the hell is this?” Xeni pointed to the crude drawing at the bottom of the paper.
“I was thinking about surprising you outside of your school with my bagpipes, but then I remembered how much you hate surprises so I thought I’d draw a little something. That’s me there, playing for you, and that’s you up on the balcony.”
“What balcony?”
“I don’t know. It seemed very romantic at the time. Can you just appreciate the effort here? I cook, sing and play seventeen instruments, and my dick is a foot long. Sorry I’m a terrible sketch artist. I can’t be everything for all people, Xeni.”
“I guess. Come here.” Xeni cupped his cheeks and pressed her lips to his. What was meant as a sign of gratitude, a ‘welcome home to me,’ quickly morphed into something else as his tongue slid into her mouth. She shimmied closer, wrapping her arms around his shoulders. She pulled back just as she started to feel his erection pressing against her thigh.
“Is this why you came to me on the first day of Spring?” she breathed, searching his face. She reached up and smoothed an errant hair in his mustache to the side. “’Cause, whoa, bruh. This is intense.”
“It was that or next Wednesday on the new moon. I figured if all things went well tonight, we could work on some affirmations together.”
