Mason pressed another kiss right between her tits. “So, tell me. What you do want?”
Now. Her stupid fucking body would choose now to conjure up some water works. Xeni swallowed and blinked the tears back. It didn’t work. Xeni quickly turned away and pressed the heels of her hands against her eyes.
“Hey, hey hey,” Mason said quickly as he gathered her into his arms. “Come here, love. What’s wrong?”
That didn’t help at all, his tender affection. A trembling sob ripped through her body and it took everything Xeni had to swallow it down. The sudden pain in her chest came out as a harsh sigh instead of the scream that was threatening to crack her in half.
“I am not crying about my bad sex life right now.”
“It would be fine if you were.”
Okay, maybe she was crying about her sex life a little. She had plenty of annoying problems, just like anyone else, but for some awful reason her brain decided this was what it wanted to dredge up. Not the feelings about her parents. Not the crushing fact that she would never even get a chance to speak to her birth father. Not the haunting realization that she was unhappy with her job and had no clue if she was brave enough to walk away from it or if that was even a sensible option.
There was plenty for her to be upset about. But no, she was in Mason’s arms, soaking the comforting embrace of a man she barely knew because she hadn’t had sex in ages while she was too busy guarding her heart. And no, it didn’t make a lick of sense that she was so willing to sleep with Mason. She just wanted him and that annoying logical voice in the back of her head could just shut up about it.
Xeni blew out a breath and tried to speak. “I’m amazing, you know. I have great friends. A great family. They’re nuts, but I know they love me. I’m cute as hell. I am so good at my job. I shouldn’t quake in the face of honesty and intimacy. It shouldn’t be so hard for me to find someone to love me.”
Xeni knew she was being ridiculous. She wasn’t surprised when Mason’s broad chest shook with laughter.
“Yeah, ha ha. Laugh at the gorgeous woman with amazing breasts who can’t find love.”
“That’s not why I’m laughing.”
“Why then? Huh?”
“Let’s just say that’s another thing we have in common.”
“Oh yeah?”
“Xeni, look at me.” Xeni looked up at the mountain of a man looking back at her. “Do you see this face? Do you see these rugged good looks? You ran your fingers through this hair. I deep condition once a week. You see the results. You said it yourself. It makes no sense. Why would agodsuch as myself be all alone in the world?”
“Okay. You’ve made your point. No one can have itall.”
“Come sit.” Mason sat back down on the piano bench and pulled Xeni onto his lap. She tucked her sweater tightly around her chest and gave in to the urge to rest her head against his shoulder. He wrapped his arms around her and then they were quiet. Xeni knew she could fill the silence. She had the jokes, the slick banter, but in that moment she didn’t want to be on and she was glad that Mason didn’t seem like he was about to push her.
“Who knows you best? Like, who knows who you really are?” she asked him.
“That’s a good question. Now? I would say Silas and mostly because he doesn’t care. It’s easy to be yourself around someone who isn’t going to judge you. And Liz. And Ms. Sable.”
Xeni squeezed her eyes closed again. Her family knew her, the real her, but she knew she’d hid parts of herself from other people. She always tried to be her most honest and authentic self, but fear sometimes kept her from really being open. And that was it. That said it all. The reason her aunt had come up with this crazy scheme and she had to pay someone in a bind to marry Xeni. She had to bribe Xeni with literal millions in property and other assets just to force her to consider what a partnership with someone like Mason could be like. But this wasn’t real and in twenty-seven days and some odd hours it would be over.
“I don’t know what I want,” Xeni finally admitted to Mason and herself. “I’ve never trusted anyone enough to find out.”
“Hmm, another thing we have in common.” That didn’t ease the ache in Xeni’s chest at all. She was starting to like Mason. She could see herself really caring about him. He deserved love. He deserved all the things he wanted and needed, but hadn’t been given the room to discover yet.
Xeni eased off his lap and paced over to the fireplace and back. “I need water. You want some water?”
“I’m fine, thank you. Xeni, we don’t have to—”
“Oh, but I want to. Unless you don’t want to. I don’t know what a naked woman crying in your lap does to your mood. Is that your thing?”
“No,” Mason said as he smiled a bit and shook his head.
“Well, we don’t have to if you don’t want to.”
He nodded toward the kitchen. “Why don’t you get your water and then we’ll see how we’re both feeling.”
“Okay.” Xeni went into the kitchen. She grabbed a glass of water and looked down at the piece of baker’s twine still tied around her finger. It was a little damp from her birdie bath. She’d noticed earlier that Mason had taken his off. He’d been preparing food all day, so that didn’t surprise her. Still, it was a stark reminder, proof of just how ridiculous this whole situation was. None of it was real and if it wasn’t real, then Xeni didn’t have to be afraid of getting hurt. There was no risk and, really, no limits. Well, there were some limits. Xeni had her hard nos. But just like their quickie wedding, she and Mason could make this night whatever they wanted it to be.
