“No, it’s okay. I’m into, like, real kinky shit.”
“Real kinky,” Xeni mouthed, driving the point home with the face she made. Meegan was being serious.
“I had a thing with this guy, long distance, but he was really good to me. I fucked up and checked his Instagram and he’d posted pics from his honeymoon.” Sloan was still a little confused. Meegan had a huge personality, but Sloan didn’t take her for the type to sleep with a guy who was with someone else. She kept her mouth shut and let Meegan finish. “It’s so stupid. We stopped seeing each other as soon as they started dating, like right when they got together. But it still hurt.”
“I know, hun,” Shae said in a soothing voice.
“Literally, my last three play partners have gotten married. And then last week my Mistress told me she’s retiring, and she and her husband are moving.” Yeah, Sloan definitely didn’t know what was going on, but she felt awful. Meegan was sobbing even harder. Xeni pulled her close and rubbed her shoulder.
“It’s gonna be okay.”
“I just—I feel dumped. I knew this was coming, but I still feel blindsided for some stupid reason. It’s fucking hard to find a real Dominant who’s not just some psycho who wants to hurt people.”
“Seriously, I don’t know how you do it,” Sarah said, shaking her head. “I’d be too scared. Daniel and Keira kind of explained it to me and what they have seems so safe and happy and cuddly. I wouldn’t even know where to start.”
“Iamscared,” Meegan cried.
“I didn’t mean—”
“I know.”
“I wish I knew how to help, but I only know the people you know. This is one area where I don’t have an in,” Shae said.
“Marcos asked me if I wanted to move in with him and T.K.. I love T.K., but I just don’t know how not to feel like a third wheel.”
“I will literally never have sex with you, but you can move in with me. I’ll pet you and tell you you’re pretty. But I will never have sex with you,” Xeni offered. Meegan finally laughed and her tears seemed to slow.
“But that’s the only thing I’ve ever wanted.”
“I know this won’t fix anything overnight, but it will be okay,” Sarah said. “You’ll meet someone.”
“I’m sorry, Meegan,” Sloan said, feeling a little useless. “Can I offer you more some wine or a cupcake I didn’t bake?”
“I’ll take both, please.”
“Here you go.” Sloan topped off her glass of Chardonnay and held out the platter of Shae’s cupcakes. She grabbed one without looking and went right for the frosting.
“Look at it this way,” Shae said. “You know how much of a mess I was when I met Aidan. I was just desperate not to be alone. I’m lucky he turned out to be awesome. Knowing what you actually want helps you cut down on the bullshit.”
“Hear, hear!” Xeni said, with two loud snaps of her fingers. “Be single with me for a while. We absolutely won’t have sex and then one day the perfect men with padded bank accounts will magically appear. We’ll both quit our jobs and become ladies of leisure.”
“Who’s the perfect man for you?” Shae asked Xeni.
“A street magician with a long running cable show. Just imagine how much fun you could have with sleight of hand in the bedroom.”
“I feel like knowing what I want is almost a curse,” Meegan said. “Because what I want is so specific and now that I’ve figured out that I just want to be with one guy, I feel like there’s no way I can find everything I want in one guy. I’m doomed, I say!”
“You’re not doomed,” Xeni chuckled. “As my aunt likes to say, you’re in between blessings.”
“Oh yeah?”
“Meegan, you’ve spent like the last five years with several super hot guys at your sexual beck and call. Plus, Evelyn who spoiled the shit out of you. Now things are changing and you realized you want something different. Give yourself time to find it.”
“You’re right. I don’t know, I think I screwed myself a little. I thought the sex was all I wanted and now I don’t know—you’re right. Let’s talk about something else.”
“Sloan?” Sarah asked and immediately Sloan realized her mind had wandered, following Meegan’s frantic train of thought. She was definitely making a face. She shook herself.
“Sorry, what?”
