No, why would you saythat?
It’s nothing. Just hangtight.
Tillery’sgood.
What is our plan onceTillery
finds what we’re lookingfor?
We’ll cross that bridge when we come toit.
Gotta go. Punch Si forme.
I won’t be doing that, butthanks.
Talk to yousoon.
Idon’t respond againto the light brown peace sign emoji he sends. I trust Scott, but something feels off. The smell of fresh coffee reminds me my breakfast and a mountain of work emails are waiting for me. I’ll have to worry about both sides of the McInroy brother coin anothertime.
* * *
Ifalldown another work hole. When Silas comes stomping through the back door, soaking in a rain slicker and boots, my whole body reminds me how long I’ve been sitting at the dining room table with no breaks. I can feel my joints and muscles screaming as I turn in the hard wooden chair. I can also feel the nerves tensing in my throat. I’d put him out of my mind for the morning, so far out of my mind that I’m not ready to see him standing there, looking back atme.
I hate how much of him I take in. How he looks like some hyper manly sea captain coming back to warn the townspeople about the storm on the horizon. I hate that my eyes track the drop of water that runs down the side of his face. I hate how he’s looking at me. He must hate it too because he coughs and looks away as soon as his eyes meetmine.
“Brought you lunch,” he says as he puts a plastic bag on the counter. Rainwater drips off the outside and onto the gray surface. I start to think about how soggy everything must be inside, but then the smells of warm food and yummy dessert washes over me. I almost close my eyes and moan. “I didn’t think to text you so I just got you tomato soup and a grilled cheese and some more pie. I hope that’sokay.”
I swallow and find my voice. “Yeah. Thanks. Perfect for a day likethis.”
“Breakfast wasokay?”
“Yeah it was great. Thank you. Do I need to feed them or anything?” I say, gesturing tothe
dogs. All of five of them are still crowded around the kitchenfloor.
“No. They just hate the thunder and lightning. I usually find them in a literal dog pile on days like this. They are just piled around you thistime.”
“Ohokay.”
“I’m gonna—I’m going to take a—I’m gonna use the bathroom while I’mhere.”
“’Kay.” I look away as he shakes out of his raincoat and drapes it on the chair across from me. Gala and Morty follow him out of the room. I try to focus back on the document on my screen and consider the true fun of labor disputes. Still, I can’t think at all with Silas in the house. He takes up so much space. He sucks all the air. I check my phone instead and sneak a look at the girls in our chat. Noa and Claudia are talking about Shep’s father and what actually constitutes treason. Not the light topics I was hopingfor.
I hear Silas walking back toward the kitchen and think about how weird it would be for me to just get up and run upstairs to avoid talking to him before he heads out again, and before I can stand he’s there, blocking the door to the rest of the house. My options are the laundry room, the pantry and the backyard. He leans against the door jamb. He’s quiet for a minute, but I can’t ignore himforever.
“I wanted to uh—apologize for last night,” he says. His voices sounds more than a littleunsure.
I look up at him. I sit back and my hand automatically goes to my earlobe. Being in the same room with him is awful. I have to do something with myhands.
“I’m sorry about the way I reacted. I uh—I wasn’t disgusted by you oranything.”
“Oh,” I say. “That’s…okay.”
“What I mean is. I was… embarrassed. That shit was embarrassing as hell. We’ll go with that. And I was definitely asleep. I was having a dream that you and I were fuck—having sex. I had a dream we were having sex and apparently I was trying to simulate the act in real life.” He punctuates his confession with a little thrusting motion of his fist. “I want you to know that I know how out of line it was for me to… touch you and to basically ejaculate on you. Is your headokay?”
“It’s fine now. Thankyou.”
“Good. So… I know why I did what I did, even though that doesn’t excuse it, but you were awake when you kissed me. Is there any reasonwhyyou kissedme?”
