“Well nice of Shep to give you someplace to stay while you're in town.”
“I invited her to stay with me,” I say. “Didn't make much sense for her to pay to stay at the Lodges when there are perfectly good accommodations right up here.”
“Mhmm. How long are you staying?”
“Just until Friday?”
“Well hopefully you get back to see us. Shep hasn’t had many visitors in a while.”
I sigh and put down my fork. “She knows Jad.”
Jad’s nails me with a look. “Does she know how long it’s been since you’ve had visitors? Does she know why?”
“Yes. She knows. She knows about Sarah and she knows I’m an anti-social prick.”
“Does she know Sarah’s the one who took care of her during the day shift?” He looks at Claudia who has now gone a little pale. “Did he tell you about the trips he takes so he can get over her?”
“Jad. Enough,” May-Bell’s voice is calm, but deadly. It's enough to shut Jad up, but only for a minute. He's been holding this shit in for years, but we can't do this now. Not in front of Claudia. And it’s also none of Jad’s business.
“May, thank you for a lovely dinner,” I say as I start to stand. My chest is pounding and I can hear water rushing in my ears, but I have to keep it together long enough to get Claudia and Titus back to the house. Then I can channel this shit somewhere else.
“Shepard, sit down,” Jad says. The authority in his voice makes me want to punch him clean in his throat. He doesn’t run this mountain anymore.
I keep standing, but I don't leave. I know what I have to say or else I might punch Jad. “You think I'm just as screwed up as Egil. You can say it. You think I'm just as screwed up as my mother. Probably worse, but I will never understand what you want from me, Jad. I’m fine. I’m employed. I’m taking care of my property and my dog. I’m not doing anything wrong.
“Sarah spreads my business all over this mountain, then splits with some other dude and somehow I'm the monster. You know Julia Tompkin’s kid told me there's a rumor going around the high school that I kill women up at my place and Jerry protects me? I shared something about myself with the woman I loved almost three years ago and people were afraid to look at me. All it took was stopping a serial killer and finally people start treating me like a person again. But not quite. Right? I'm sorry if I invited a friend to stay at my place.”
“But she's not your friend, Shep. She doesn’t know you and you barely know her. No offense,” he says to Claudia. I almost tell him not to speak to her but he barrels right through. “You two were thrown together by something terrible and months later she's back so you can shack up for a few days?”
“You’re out of line, Jad. You know nothing about us. And even if you did, I'm allowed to have guests up to my house!”
Jad shoots out of his chair, but knows not to get in my face. “And no one says you're not! But you don't have guests over to your place and you haven't in years and I'm sorry if it raises a little concern when Claudia here is the first in some time. I told Egil it wasn't good for him to keep you up here that way. He used the mountain as an excuse after Letta passed and now—”
“And now what? Just say it, Jad. I turned out just like him, but worse because I'm some sort of danger to the delicate women of Paluma County.”
“No. You deserve something healthy and happy and this is not how it starts. Again no offense, Claudia. But you can’t keep doing this, Shepard and you know it.”
I shake my head. I didn’t come here to get Jad Tierney to understand anything about me or my life. I push my chair in and look over at Claudia. “Let's go.”
Claudia stands and goes to grab our coats.
“Shep, please don't leave,” May says.
“I'm sorry, May-Bell.” I kiss her on the cheek, then snap for Titus. He's made himself comfortable by the fire with Fox, but he comes. He follows Claudia out to my truck and I do my best not to slam the door to their house behind me.
I take a deep breath when I climb behind the wheel.
“That wasn't about you,” I say. “That was all about me and some of it was about my grandfather.”
“It's okay, Shep. Really. Let's just go back to your place and watch a movie or something.”
I don't say anything. I just start my truck and slowly back down the driveway.
* * *
We’requiet the rest of the way back. I’m too pissed to talk and I can’t wrap my mind around the sheer size of the balls on Jad. I can’t even contemplate what Claudia might be thinking. It’s barely eight o’clock when we walk back in the door and I know Claudia only got to eat five or six bites of her dinner. I need to feed her and I need to get myself together so she doesn’t have to spend the rest of the night worried about how pissed I really am.
I sit on the edge of the couch and scrub my face with both my hands. Claudia sits on the coffee table in front of me. She’s quiet for a long time. I’m not trying to shut her out, but my chest is still tight. I need more time.
