“It’s okay. You’re okay. I think you were having a nightmare.”
Tyson blinked, his vision clearing in the space of a few heartbeats. His thoughts not so much. That stupid dream lingered like a heavyfog, leaving him disoriented and grappling for reality. He met Jenna’s concerned gaze, then pushed himself up. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to fall asleep on you.”
“Are you okay?”
He ran his hand through his hair. “Yeah, I’m fine.”
“You don’t seem fine. You seem kind of shaken.”
That was because hewasshaken. Seeing the fear in that kid’s eyes rattled him every time. He wished he could scour the image from his brain. But memories didn’t work like that, did they?
She placed her hand on his arm. “Hey.”
The touch soothed him somehow. Grounded him. He sought her gaze and locked in. He was glad she was here. Waking in the middle of the night, alone and distressed, made him feel empty and lonely.
“Want to talk about it?” she asked gently. “What was it about?”
He took a few seconds to regulate his breathing, get his heart rate down. Sometimes it felt like he was about to hyperventilate. “The accident on Church Street,” he managed a minute later.
Jenna was quiet a moment. “The one with the seventeen-year-old kid?”
He nodded, his throat too thick to say anything more.
“What happened in your dream?”
The image replayed in his mind. He cleared his throat. Swallowed hard. “Pretty much what happened on the scene. He hit a tree and was pinned. A limb came through the window and nicked his jugular. We got there just in time to see him bleed out.”
“Oh, Ty, how awful.”
“I always see his eyes in my dreams. He was so scared. So young. Just a kid.”
“I’m sorry. Have you had this nightmare a lot?”
He hadn’t admitted that to anyone and didn’t really want to admitit to Jenna. It made him feel weak and vulnerable. He was a tough firefighter. A captain. This was part of the job.
Except this time he’d messed up.
Jenna set her hand on his chest. “You have, haven’t you? That’s why you’ve seemed so worn-out lately.”
He tore his gaze from her. “I see his eyes every time I go to sleep. So... I’ve been avoiding it, I guess.”
“Avoiding sleep? Oh, Ty. That’s not good. You can’t function without proper rest.”
“I don’t know what else to do. I’ve been jogging and working out more, trying to exhaust myself so I can sleep better. Nothing works.”
Jenna’s stare burned into his face. “This isn’t your first loss. What is it about this one that’s so hard? His age? It must be really hard to lose someone so young.”
His lips pressed together. He didn’t want to think about this anymore. Didn’t want anyone else to know his part in what happened. Not even Jenna.
“Ty?”
“I don’t want to say.”
His heart was like a battering ram against his ribs. His mouth suddenly so dry.
She took his hand. “Maybe you need to tell someone. Get it off your chest. And who better than me, huh? Something’s gotta give. You can’t go on like this.”
She was right. He’d almost fallen asleep at work last week. And he needed his wits when he was on a call. Another tragedy could happen on his watch, and God help him if he was responsible. Still, the guilt made it hard. No one liked admitting failure.
