He’d used the court only a few times since he installed the backboard in the spring. Big D had come over to play once. Maggie and Zoey had played HORSE with him. A fun afternoon. He lifted Zoey to the hoop for her shots. And it turned out that as athletic as Maggie was, she was a terrible shot.
Dad wasn’t much better. When he shot from the free throw line, the ball hit the rim and bounced off.
Josh rebounded and passed it back to him.
Dad dribbled the ball awkwardly. “Hey, um, I’m sorry about last night. I was caught off guard. I know I handled it badly.” He shot the ball, which hit high on the backboard.
Josh rebounded. “I’m sure the news was a shock.”
“Honestly, I just never... I need a little time to adjust to that one. But I want to clear that other up first.”
Josh jumped and released the ball. It swished through the net.
“You and I have never really talked about... when you got sick.” Dad caught the ball and turned it over in his hands. “It really scared me, Josh. I dealt with medical emergencies all the time, but when it’s your son... I didn’t cope with it well. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I think I pulled away from you. I was so scared of losing you.”
Josh thought back. He’d thought his dad had just been busy working all those months. “Are you trying to say you were running from it? From me?”
His dad swallowed hard. Took a shot that missed the board entirely. “I know. What a coward, right? At first I focused on finding you the best doctors around. But after that I guess I left your mom to handle the day-to-day care, using the excuse that she was off in the summer. I practically deserted you in the name of ‘providing for the family.’ But really... I was just scared to death. I kept long hours because when I was working, I didn’t have to think about the fact that my son could die.” He blinked back tears.
Josh stood motionless. He’d been a boy trying to cope with the effects of chemo, becoming the “sick kid” in his class, trying not to be afraid for his life.
“By the time you were well, I’d put a wall up. To protect myself, is what your mother says. She’s probably right about that. She’s right about most things. And your brother... it was always so easy to find things to talk about. Even Erin, with her interest in psychology and science—we had so much in common. Whereas you and me, we’re so different. I know I should’ve tried harder.”
Josh’s thoughts were stuck on the first part—the part where he’d been sick. Dad had buried himself in work to run away from it. Josh hadn’t had the luxury.
“I know I let you down when you needed me most. I let my wifeand the whole family down. You’ll never know how sorry I am for that. The regret eats me alive.”
Wait a minute. While Dad had been running so hard—had he run straight into the arms of Robyn Jennings? He stared at the man standing before him, looking tired and defeated. Josh tried to dredge up some sympathy. But all he could think about were the times he’d spent bent over the toilet bowl, his mom always nearby taking care of him, comforting him. While his dad was out doing his own thing, succumbing to his fears.
Josh had to know the truth. He had to ask the question. “Is work the only thing you lost yourself in, Dad?”
Dad blinked. Tilted his head. “When you were sick? What do you mean?”
“Yes, when I was sick.” He could hardly stand the thought of it. He pinned his father with a look. “Was there another woman? Did you cheat on Mom?”
Dad’s head jerked back.“What?”
“I want the truth. I need to know.”
“What—? Why—?” Lines furrowed Dad’s forehead. He broke eye contact and then, seemingly in a daze, wandered over to where the ball lay in the grass and picked it up. When he faced Josh again, his eyes were like ice. He advanced on Josh, stopping an arm’s length away. “I’m guilty of a lot of things, son. But I havenevercheated on your mother. I don’t know where you get off suggesting such a thing. I know I said some things yesterday I shouldn’t have. I’m sorry for that. And I’m even sorrier for withdrawing when you were sick—sorrier than I can ever say.” His voice trembled, his eyes flickering with hurt. “But I don’t know where you’d get the idea— Your mother is the love of my life. I haven’t so much as touched another woman since the day we met.”
He was telling the truth. Dad wasn’t capable of lying to his face like that. And now Josh felt like a dog for making the accusation. Wished he could take it back. “I’m sorry, Dad. I was out of line.”
He opened his mouth to explain about Will. But unless this whole look-alike thing was just some crazy fluke, he could think of only one other person who could’ve fathered him. And Josh wasn’t opening that can of worms right now.
Dad closed his eyes. Exhaled a breath. Then gave him a questioning look. “Where did that come from?”
“I was angry and I spoke out of turn. I’m sorry.” He couldn’t take back those words. But at least he knew the truth.
After a moment Dad clapped a hand over his shoulder. Gave him a mirthless grin. “Like father, like son, huh?”
They shot the ball in silence awhile.
Dad finally had a shot that nearly went in. “You know, Josh, I don’t say it nearly enough, but I’m proud of you. You’re a good man and I love you.”
Josh swallowed against the lump in his throat. He’d needed that. “Thanks, Dad.”
“How ’bout we just put all this behind us, okay? Can we just move on from this?”
