She had to find out what the woman wanted. Lauren stopped in the middle of the driveway, ripped open the letter, and unfolded sheets of notebook paper. The same familiar scrawl filled the pages.
Dear Lauren,
It’s taken me many months to get up the nerve to write this letter. I looked up your information last fall and have started to write you so many times. I’ve even thought of knocking on your door. But I don’t have the right to enter your life that way, and I realize you might not want to hear from me at all. I wouldn’t blame you.
I’m writing to tell you how sorry I am. I don’t expect your forgiveness. But I hope the deep regret and sorrow over my choices—
Lauren didn’t want to hear this! She tore her eyes from the page. Couldn’t get the letter out of her hands fast enough. She wadded the sheets of paper into a tight ball and threw them into the woods. That boulder was back, sitting so heavily on her chest, she could hardly breathe.
Her mother was in Boston. Her mother knew her former address—had considered knocking on her door!
Lauren’s childhood rushed at her like a tsunami, threatening to swallow her. The feeling of being abandoned by the person who was supposed to love her most. The sensation of being moved like a chess piece in some cruel game where she always came out the loser. The feeling of belonging nowhere, belonging to no one. The uncertainty that hung over her like a cloud. Never feeling settled because her circumstances might change overnight, precipitating another move, another family, another school.
Her heart was like a jackhammer in her chest.
A terrible sense of dread crawled over her. She was having a heart attack. She would drop dead in the driveway and no one would find her for hours. Sweat trickled down the back of her neck.
Graham was there suddenly, nudging her hand with his wet nose. She took hold of his fur like a lifeline.
She slowed her breaths. Breathed more deeply so she didn’t hyperventilate.Think about something else!She looked up and focused on the canopy of trees, their green leaves shimmering in the summer breeze. The squirrel nattering on the limb. A robin fluttering to her nest.
Breathe.
Just breathe.
Long minutes later she emerged from the encroaching darkness. Her breaths came more easily and her galloping heart rate slowed to a trot. Maybe she wouldn’t die after all.
On shaky legs she continued down the drive, her head spinning, the past casting a long shadow over her soul. The thought of returning to Boston—where her mother now resided—seemed impossible. What if the woman came to see her? The sight of her would break Lauren into a million pieces. She was sure of it.
All these years she’d buried the hurt and animosity down deep. But now it all shot to the surface. She couldn’t face her mother or even thefear that she might show up at any moment. Living so close, Lauren could run into her on the street. That was the last thing she wanted. But she had to return to Boston.
Didn’t she?
She loved the city. Had a dear friend and a wonderful job awaiting her. And she had Jonah. Jonah, who was willing to leave his life, job, and family behind for her.
But why should he do that when the very thought of returning to Boston—to her mother—now made her feel sick inside?
If she stayed here, he wouldn’t have to leave everything behind. Couldn’t she stay and manage the barn venue instead? Perhaps turn it into a full-scale operation, offering wedding packages, complete with planning services? It had been on her mind since the beginning. She’d been sad at the thought of leaving it behind. Of leaving Pinehaven and the Landrys behind.
If she stayed, she could still have Jonah and a wonderful job that offered the independence she’d always sought. She could have all of that—and never have to face the possibility of seeing her mother’s face again.
Darcy Wentworth would never find her in Pinehaven, New Hampshire.
All of this flashed through Lauren’s mind as she stood in the brownstone’s lobby, the mail quivering in her hands. So many realizations all at once.
After all these years, her mother had written her.
Jonah had not cajoled her into giving up the job. She’d done it willingly. She’d done it out of fear. The letter from her mother had shaken her to her core, and she’d chosen to run from all the feelings it stirred up.
Had she told Jonah about the letter? Surely it would’ve come up if she had. She recalled their conversation at the trapper’s cabin. He’d said that Lauren had never heard from her mother after she’d left.
She couldn’t believe she’d made such a monumental decision about her future—abouttheirfuture—without telling him the real reason why.She was running so hard from the past, she hadn’t bothered giving him all the facts. The man had been about to propose to her based on her half-truths.
These discoveries so captured her thoughts that it took a moment to see an obvious, important detail: after all these weeks, a memory from the summer had finally resurfaced.
Perhaps more would follow. But she couldn’t even think about that right now. Since she’d lost her memory she’d been processing everything all wrong. She hadn’t given up her job for a man as she’d assumed. All these weeks since the accident she’d been so guarded, so afraid she’d lose herself in Jonah again and give up her dream.
But that wasn’t what had happened at all.
