“What? What are you talking about? I love the city. The energy, the excitement, the opportunities.”
“Those are clichés. And anyway, you never talk about those things.”
Sadie frowned. “Yes, I do.”
“No, you don’t. You talk about the noisy traffic and the difficulty getting around town. You talk about the outrageous expense of rent and the lack of space for children to play. And you’re an optimist! Sometimes I wonder why you were so stoked to settle here after college. Not that I’m complaining—I love having you close by.”
She wanted to refute what Caroline said. But she stopped herself. Was that true? She did hate paying so much for a tiny apartment she had to share. As far as opportunities went, her job hardly paid enough to keep her in chocolate chip cookies. She’d had to supplement it with her writing—obituaries and now books. And yes, the traffic was a pain in the patootie.
She thought back to her recent conversation with her mother. While Sadie had been growing up, Mom talked about Manhattan as if it were heaven on earth. But their recent chat had set her straight. Her mom was simply nostalgic about that time of her life.
She’d thought her mother had given up her dream. Had Sadie taken up that aspiration for herself as some sort of lame proxy? Was she living out someone else’s dream? “My mom talked about Manhattan with such reverence. I guess maybe I started...”
“Viewing it through rose-colored glasses?”
“Something like that.”
“I kind of thought that when we talked about it in college. I mean, I love NYC, don’t get me wrong. It’s home. But even I can see the drawbacks. And you never really struck me as a city person.”
Sadie gaped at Caroline. “Really?”
“You always reminisced about your grandpa’s ranch like it was the best place on earth. And you’re awfully frugal—I see how much it pains you to pay so much for rent. Plus you like to strike up conversations with random strangers. Whenever you do that here, people think you’re a freak.”
Sadie gave a wry chuckle. “I’m more like a southerner in that way, I guess. I had so many conversations down there with random people, you wouldn’t believe it.” She smiled just thinking of Nick and Anna, Jared and Roscoe, and Keisha, whose friendship had grown from a random conversation about books. “There’s a laid-back vibe down there. People aren’t in such a rush. And the beach is so nice. It’s quiet and peaceful in the morning, but it comes alive as the sun gets higher in the sky, and then there are people walking and sunbathing and—”
“I was there, remember? I totally get the appeal.” Caroline tilted her head as she gazed at Sadie. “You’ll never get those things in New York, you know. And you won’t find Sam here either.”
Sadie straightened in her seat. Pointed a finger at her friend. “Don’t.Don’t do that. He broke up with me. This was his choice.”
“Maybe he made a rash decision. Maybe he didn’t realize you love him. Maybe there’s a reason you can’t forget him.”
Hope dangled a rope down the deep canyon into which she’d fallen. But fear kept her from grabbing hold. Her adrenaline spiked, making her want to flee instead. “That’s a lot of maybes. When he found out about my story, Sam couldn’t get out of there fast enough. And what, are you trying to get rid of me? You’re making me feel unwanted.”
“You know better than that. I just want what’s best for you.”
If only Sadie could figure out what that was.
Today was the day. Sadie’s tight shoulder muscles complained as she sat down to her desk after only six hours of sleep. She’d done nothing but work, eat, and sleep since she’d met with Caroline six days ago. The conversation had loosened something in her. She’d figured out how to make the logistics work for her couple. It seemed so obvious now.
She had to write her heroine’s epiphany, then the couple’s happily ever after, because she had to finish this manuscripttoday. With school starting Monday there would be no time for rewrites. She’d already let Erin know she’d be receiving a first draft, and she seemed okay with that.
Sadie took three deep breaths. Stress was not her friend. Outside her bedroom window the day was gloomy and overcast, but no rain had fallen yet. She missed the sunny beach and all its delightful smells and sounds.
Enough of that. The clock is ticking.
She glanced back at the screen where a new chapter would begin. She’d somehow made it all the way through the story, from the wedding to the breakup. Her heroine was officially as miserable as Sadie was. At least she’d been able to write the character’s pain with total clarity. Because now Sadie not only knew how it felt to fall in love—she also knew what it felt like to lose that love.
The cursor blinked on the blank page. Her heroine needed an epiphany, and Sadie had no idea what it would look like. Stalling for time, and perhaps avoiding the building anxiety, she opened her Facebook newsfeed and scrolled. Maybe she’d find some insight. It was a lie she told herself sometimes.
When she’d been on the island, she friended Sam on social media, so now she saw his occasional posts. A photo of him eating out someplace with Tag. A picture of Hayley pitching a game, the two of them afterward. She searched his face in the photos and read every word he wrote several times as if this made her a part of his life and not a stalker.
Pathetic. She should probably hide his posts and stop tormenting herself. But then she’d never know what he was doing or who he was hanging out with, and somehow that seemed even worse than knowing.
She glanced at the time. She was losing minutes and stalling wasn’t putting words on the page. She opened her document again, feeling lost. Sometimes if she just started typing, the words came. She placed her fingers on the keyboard and began the chapter.
After a couple of faulty starts, the words finally began to flow. Her heroine had reached the end of her rope just as Sadiehad. She had inner issues to deal with just as Sadie did. Things that kept her single and searching even though deep down she wanted to love and be loved—didn’t everybody? Sadie followed the thought on the page, digging deeper, fingers flying. Page after page.
Yes, this was it. Her soul let loose a sigh of relief. This was right for the story.
