His heart kicked against his rib cage as he gathered his courage. “Allie?”
There was no answer, but maybe he’d spoken too softly to hear above the patter of rain.
“Allie? You awake?”
The sleeping bag rustled. “Yeah.”
“Trouble going to sleep?”
“Little bit.”
The wind whistled through the cabin. A log snapped. He had to get this over with. Now or never. He had to explain—he owed her that much.
“I’m really sorry for the way I handled things between us back then.” The long silence seemed to expand the air around him. Maybe he’d just botched their truce by bringing it up.
“It was a long time ago,” she said finally.
“Don’t let me off the hook. I was a jerk. You meant a lot to me—I don’t think I let you know how much.” He’d fallen in love with her, but there was no need to go there now.
***
For the second time tonight adrenaline flooded through Allie’s system.Fight or flight?Either of those options sounded worlds better than facing the painful past.
Did she really want to dig into this right now? Then again, this conversation was long overdue. He had hurt her.He had mishandled the situation. Her stomach tightened just remembering her first broken heart. Okay, her only broken heart.
But if he’d cared about her so much...
“Then why?” The words sounded weak and pathetic, wobbling between them.
“I don’t think I even understood it at the time.” He heaved a sigh. “Allie, your family had come to mean so much to me. My mom being the way she was—I couldn’t count on her. I took care of her more than the other way around. After my dad left—your family became the family I didn’t have anymore. The family I wanted.”
She felt a pinch in her chest. “I know that.”
“When I saw you over Thanksgiving that year... I can’t even explain what happened. I saw you differently. I went back to school and thought about you constantly. Thought about how grown up you’d become and how beautiful you were and about all the boys you were dating.”
Her lips curved at the thought of his jealousy. If only he knew none of those boys compared. “I didn’t date that many.”
“I’d call your parents and they’d tell me you were out with some boy or another—and it drove me crazy. Then at Christmas...”
“You kissed me on the deck.” The memory of it flushed heat through her body. She’d since had many kisses, of course. But that one... It was the one she’d measured every other kiss against. And they’d all fallen so short.
“Those four weeks were... They were the best weeks of my life, Allie.”
She shook her head, not understanding. The darkness gaveher the courage to voice her feelings. “If that’s true . . . why did you break up with me, Luke?”
“When you mentioned the prom, it scared me—doing something so public. Making a commitment that your parents knew about. I was afraid—what if something went wrong between us? You were their daughter. If I blew it... What if I lost them?
“And then my mom told me she was moving to Florida and—it just really freaked me out. She wasn’t much of a parent, but she was all I had. And she was leaving. Your family was all I had left—I couldn’t lose them too.”
Allie heard the despair in his voice. Let it settle inside her. She’d always felt so bad for him. When he came to their house because he was underfoot at home. When his mom failed to show for senior night (her parents had filled in). When his mom came to graduation drunk and sloppy, insulting her parents, whom she was clearly jealous of.
“And so you broke up with me,” she whispered. Only he hadn’t really, had he? He’d just kind of ditched her.
“I was afraid, and I handled it like a coward and made things even worse. I’ve always regretted that.”
It was all making sense. Finally. She still felt for that orphaned boy, and she’d known in a vague way what her parents meant to him. He’d always worked so hard to please them, mowing their grass, picking flowers for her mom, getting their mail and watering their plants when they were away. She hadn’t thought too much about it back then, but she wondered now if he’d been trying to earn a spot in their family.
“What about the girl?” she said into the void.
