She couldn’t let herself think like that. It had been doomed from the start, hadn’t it? They were too different, like her mom and dad had been. Mia had to move on. But she’d told herself that a thousand times since she’d been home. Her heart seemed to have ideas of its own.
“I just need to focus on my work right now. It’ll be easier once I’m in Ireland.” At least that’s what she told herself.
“That’s probably a good idea. Stay busy. It’ll get better with time.”
“Problem is, this role... Fiona.”
“I thought it was your dream role.”
“It is. But it’s also dredging up a lot of stuff from my past. I mean, that’s partly why I wanted it so badly—I relate to her. But yeesh. I went to bed last night crying over my dad’s abandonment, Brooke. I mean, that was years ago. What is wrong with me?”
“Nothing’s wrong with you. That’s a deep wound, honey. The kind that could take a lifetime to resolve. Do you think maybe the breakup triggered some of this? You had a bit of a setback when you and Wes broke up, remember?”
“Yeah, you’re right. But I just wish...” What? That the breakup had never happened? That she’d never met Levi at all? No. She wouldn’t trade one moment with him. Even if it had ended in heartache.
“What, honey?”
Mia met her friend’s gaze head on. “You know what I really wish? I wish I’d finally besomeone’spriority. I wasn’t my dad’s, and I wasn’t my mom’s. I just want someone to look at me and say, ‘Mia, you are worth my time and attention. You’reworthyof it.’” Mia’s throat closed up. Her eyes burned. She blinked the tears away.
“Oh, honey. I don’t mean to get preachy on you right here, but you know Someone’s already said that.” Brooke squeezed her hand. “And anyway, what am I, chopped liver?”
A laugh burbled out Mia’s throat. Brooke was right. God loved her. He’d never abandon her. She sat still a moment, breathing, just letting that soak in. Why was she always looking for something more? She acted as thoughGodwasn’t enough forher.The realization made her heart clench.
Oh, God, I’m sorry. If I made You feel the way I sometimes do, I’m so sorry.
Mia took in the compassion in Brooke’s eyes and was grateful for a friend who’d tell her the truth in love. “You’re a good friend. I really appreciate you. And you’re absolutely right. I don’t know why I keep forgetting that.”
“Don’t worry, I’ll keep reminding you.” Brooke leaned back and placed her napkin on her plate. “I just wish there were some way of finally getting closure about your dad. Or your mom for that matter.”
“I never even went through her things after she died. Remember, I was on set in Vancouver when it happened? Your mom settled the estate for me. Sold the furniture. Mom wasn’t very sentimental. Her personal life pretty much boiled down to three cardboard boxes. How sad is that?”
“What was in them, the boxes?”
“I don’t know. They’re still in my spare room closet under a pile of blankets.” She recoiled at the thought of them. But maybe that was just habit. When her mom had died she’d been too hurt to face the memories. But maybe it was finally time.
“Maybe it’s time,” Brooke said, echoing her thought.
Mia considered the idea, her head nodding, almost of its own volition. “Maybe it is.”
No time like the present, Mia thought as she entered her house and shrugged her purse from her shoulder. She should get this done while she had the nerve. Brooke had offered to go through the boxes with her, but this was something Mia needed to do alone.
She made her way upstairs and toward the bedroom farthest from her own. No coincidence, she realized. Her legs trembled as she entered the room. Her hands shook as she opened the closet’s French doors. She pulled away all the blankets until she found the three boxes. The flaps were folded in, and Lettie had writtenPersonal Itemsin a black marker.
Let’s do this.Mia dragged out the boxes and sat on the carpeted floor. She opened the flaps of the first box. It was filled with cosmetics, perfumes, and products—so many products.
She breathed in the scent of her mother, closing her eyes. Memories flooded her. Her mom teaching her to apply mascara when she was in the sixth grade. A shopping spree that ended with a dress Mia had been eyeing for weeks. Running lines for her first big role in a children’s program. Maybe they weren’t typical mother-daughter moments. But they were hers. And they were good ones.
Feeling wistful, she pushed the box aside and tugged the second one close. It was large, but not as heavy as she’d expected. When she opened it she saw why. It was filled with clothes and shoes. She sorted through them, finding as expected that most of them were haute couture. Others were just obscenely expensive labels. Some of them—items probably purchased on a manic shopping spree—still had price tags dangling from the labels.
Mia wasn’t sure whether it was relief or disappointment that made her sigh as she pushed the big box aside and pulled the last one closer. Was this all that was left of her mother? A bunch of expensive material items? What had she hoped to find?
She pushed away the large box. At least she could donate the clothes. She knew of a reputable dealer who sold celebrity items to auctions. And a couple charities that would make good use of the money.
But still that hollow feeling was already swelling inside. The one that made her feel unvalued, unloved, unworthy. She reminded herself of the truth Brooke had just spoken. Mia was worthy in God’s eyes. He loved her. He wanted her. He’d never leave her. She wasn’t replaceable in her own life or in God’s story. That was the truth, and that was enough to sustain her.
She’d believed a lie for too long. It had caused her to hold back, and that was self-sabotage. If she was going to get her life together—and she was—she had to believe she was worthy of love, even if people left her. Even if everyone left her.
It sure was easier to think the notion than it was to believe it was true.
