“I’m afraid, I guess,” Maddy said. “Afraid of getting hurt again.”
“Well, that’s natural enough. Sometimes love does hurt. And you’ve just been through a betrayal. You’re a little gun-shy is all. But Connor would never treat you that way.”
Maddy shook her head. “It’s not Connor. I know he’s a good man. It’sme. I’m broken, Gram. I don’t think I’ll ever believe in love. Look at Mama and Daddy. Look at Jonathan and Nora. Look at Gramps! How can you even believe in love after what he did to you? It’s not worth it. It’s just not.”
“Oh, Maddy. Is that what you’ve learned from all this?”
She could hardly bear to look into her grandma’s sad blue eyes.
“Honey, that ol’ Nick failed you, no doubt. Your father failed your mother too—in a huge way. And yes, your grandfather failed me repeatedly. But it was they who were broken, honey.” She huffed. “Well, I could’ve stood up for myself, to be sure. I guess we’re all a little broken when it comes right down to it.”
“I’m not strong enough to go through something like that.”
“Hogwash. That’s a lie straight from the pit of hell. You’ve got more mettle than you know. But you watched the demise of your parents’ marriage and lost your father, all in the same day. It happened so suddenly, jerked the rug right out from under your feet. I saw it shake your world. Why, of course it did. It’s no wonder you avoided love for so many years.”
She blinked at Gram’s insight. She’d never even talked to her grandmother about her fear. Maddy should’ve known better. The woman missed nothing.
“What if I’m too scared to try, Gram? Every time I think it’s worth the risk, something happens, and I find myself right back where I started.”
“Then what you need is faith, dear. Faith in God, that He’ll get you through no matter what happens. Trust the Lord with your future, honey. He won’t let you down.”
Maddy reflected on her grandma’s words. Did she believe God would get her through? That He had a plan for her life?
“What else can you do?” Gram asked. “Live without love? Keep a houseful of cats? Pah! What kind of life is that? How lonely an existence. Love’s not always easy, but it’s worth it. You’ll never find happiness if you let fear stand in the way of what you truly desire.”
Gram gripped Maddy’s arm with surprising strength. “You’re a strong woman, Maddy. Stronger than I was at your age. Strong enough to handle any heartache that might come your way. Until you believe that, you’re going to struggle to give your heart away.”
And that was it in a nutshell, wasn’t it? She didn’t trust herself, and ultimately, she didn’t trust God to get her through the heartache.
Lord, help my unbelief.
She blinked away the tears that clouded her eyes.
Gram rubbed her arm. “I know it can be hard to trust again, honey. But when you find someone worthy of your trust... it’ll be worth the risk. I promise you that.”
Maddy thought of Connor and felt a new resolve building inside. A strength that defied all explanation.
“And, sugar, trust me on this,” Gram said, confidence shining from her eyes. “Connor Sullivan is worth that risk.”
Chapter 37
A noise startled Maddy awake. A branch or something had hit the house. Rain pounded the roof and wind rattled the shutters. The hurricane was still wreaking havoc outside.
Gram had drifted off around midnight, and Emma and Nora had followed soon after. Maddy hadn’t meant to fall asleep at all. She checked her phone, hoping she’d somehow missed a text or call from Connor. But the screen was void of notifications.
Her heart sank as she caught sight of the time on the screen. She’d been asleep for two hours, and it was past four in the morning. Her battery power was almost gone, but she tapped on his phone number.
It rang through to voicemail. She closed her eyes, listening to his voice.
Where is he, God? Please keep him safe. I want to tell him I love him. Even if he doesn’t want me anymore, I need him to know how I feel.
How many times had she breathed those words over the past several hours? She disconnected the call and clutched the phone to her chest like a lifeline.
The room had grown chilly. A jar candle still flickered from the coffee table, making shadows dance around the room. Across the room Gram slept in her recliner, an afghan tucked around her. Nora and Emma slept beside Maddy on the sofa, Emma leaning on her sister.
Earlier the two of them had stayed upstairs together for over an hour. When they’d come down it was obvious something had happened between them. Something good. There was a lightness between them that had been missing since they’d arrived in late May. Actually, since that last summer in Seahaven. Forgiveness had taken place. The healing could finally begin.
The four of them had talked late into the night, catching up. Now that everything was out on the table they could be real with each other. Maybe it was painful when people unburdened their secrets. But transparency was necessary for honest relationships, for real intimacy. And Maddy longed for that with her sisters.
