“Admit what?” He threw his arms in the air, his palms slapping against his denim-clad thighs.
“That you still haven’t forgiven yourself for what happened.”
He grew quiet, his tortured eyes staring back into hers. “Have you?”
“No.” Ellena could tell her answer was crushing, so she quickly added, “Because there’s nothing to forgive, Gabe. But you don’t believe that, do you?”
His broken eye contact was his answer before he even spoke. “I brought him into our home, Ellena. I did that. And yes, leaving you was the last thing I ever wanted to do, but I couldn’t risk something like that happening to you again. I couldn’t risk someone hurting you because of me.”
God, why couldn’t she make him understand? Her entire career had been built on helping people, many of them men just like the one standing before her. But the one person who meant more to her than anyone was hurting, and she couldn’t find the words to help ease his pain.
You have to keep trying.
“I’ll tell you the same thing I told you back then, Gabriel. What Vic did that day washisdoing. No one else.”
“Vic honestly believed I betrayed him.” A muscle in Gabe’s strong jaw twitched beneath his scruff. “Maybe he was right. If I hadn’t…” His eyes met hers again. “If I’d just kept my mouth shut, then…"
“What, Gabe?” Ellenahadto find a way to get through to him. “Things would’ve been business as usual?”
“Maybe.”
“Right,” she scoffed. “So you would’ve continued leading your team into God knows where, a team of men you and I both cared a great deal for, knowing a member of that same team was unstable?”
“That’s not what I’m saying.”
“That’s exactly what you’re saying, Gabriel.” Ellena walked around the foot of the bed. “But you know as well as I do if you had done that, if you’d kept your mouth shut about what Vic did to that prisoner, then you would’ve been putting yourself and every other man on that team at risk. Every single op you went on from that point forward would’ve been compromised.”
Regret poured off him as he shoved his hands into his pockets. “Vic wasn’t…” Gabe rolled his lips inward and shook his head. “He wasn’t himself, Elle. Hadn’t been for a while.”
“I don’t disagree,” she said truthfully. “Vic was obviously dealing with the fallout from the job, but it wasn’t just that.”
“What do you mean?”
“Victor Campbell was a classic narcissist who refused to take responsibility for anything he did.”
“That’s not fair.”
“Not fair?” Ellena laughed humorlessly. “What happened that day wasn’t fair, Gabe. Not for any of us. But it was a result of the choiceVicmade. Not you.”
“Elle—”
“Do you blame me for what happened?” She cut him off, refusing to listen to him berate himself any longer.
Gabe tore his hands from his pockets and flinched back, almost as if she’d struck him. “Fuck no, I don’t blame you.”
“Why not? You had the situation under control.”
“No.”
“I could see it in your eyes, Gabe.” She took a step toward him. “You knew I was planning to make a move, and you didn’t want me to. But I didn’t listen. Instead, I panicked. I chose to fight back, and then I threw myself to the ground.”
Gabe’s eyes began to glisten with unshed tears, which meant her words must have struck a chord. At the very least created a picture from his memory of that day. Either way, Ellena knew she was finally making progress.
“What happened wasnotyour fault, Elle.”
“Wasn’t it?” She covered another few inches. “I could’ve waited. Ishouldhave waited.”
He shook his head but said nothing.
