“Well, it’s a good thing I’m in here as your friend and not your employee. Besides, what are you going to do, fire me because I won’t leave you alone to vandalize a fucking bathroom? Like I said, you wanna hit something...Hit. Me.”
Jake’s nostrils flared, and his jaw clenched tight. The two stood that way for a full thirty seconds before Jake shoved against Grant’s chest with a grunt, releasing his hold.
Stumbling backward, Jake shook his head as if he were trying to convince himself this was all a bad dream, instead of the real-life fucking nightmare that it was.
“I lost her, man.”
Grant’s eyes grew. “What? I...I thought she was still in surgery.”
Realizing how his choice of words sounded, Jake explained.
“She is,” he said quickly. “I mean on the chopper. One minute she was talking to me, the next, her heart’s not beating.”
Jake wiped a hand down his face and grabbed the back of his neck. “Some medic half my age was doing chest compressions on her, and all I could do was sit there with my head up my ass and watch.”
He moved his hands to his hips and paced back and forth, full of nervous energy. “And she’s in there right now, fighting for her fucking life becauseIwasn’t there to protect her.”
“You know that’s not true.”
He stopped moving and faced Grant, yelling so loudly they could probably hear him in the operating room.
“She’smine!I damn well should have kept hersafe!”
Jake waited for Hill to tell him it wasn’t his fault again. How there was nothing he could have done to prevent what happened.
However, as the two men continued to stand there, Jake realized those things weren’t coming. The guy wasn’t even looking at him with the pity and sorrow he expected.
Instead, the big guy looked him square in the eye and asked, “What do you need?”
Jake stared at him for a few seconds. He was offering to help Jake, however he could. Too bad the one thing he truly needed, Grant couldn’t give.
“I need to be able todosomething instead of just waiting for someone to tell me what’s going on.”
Hill gave a slight nod. “The waiting’s the worst. The waiting, the not knowing.”
He pushed off of the wall and took a couple steps closer to Jake, but his eyes said he’d gone to a totally different place altogether.
“The fact that we are out there risking our asses to save strangers’ lives almost every fucking day, yet theoneperson who matters most to you in the world, someone you’d die to protect, needs help in a way that you can’t give.”
Grant’s forehead creased, and he shook his head. He blinked quickly and looked back up at his boss, almost surprised to see him there.
Jake knew where Hill had gone. He’d read what had happened in his file, but this was the first time the man had willingly shared something personal with anyone on the team. Even Jake.
“Your mom?” Jake asked quietly.
Hill nodded. “She died when I was nineteen. Cancer.” One corner of his mouth twitched. “Of course, I’m sure you already knew that.”
“I did, but thanks for sharing it anyway. And, I’m sorry. About your mom.”
Shrugging, Grant mumbled, “It was a long time ago.”
The room silent for a few seconds before Jake asked, “So, what did you do...when you lost her, I mean. How did you...cope?”
Though the other man never smiled, Jake could have sworn he wanted to. “I joined the military and started blowing shit up.”
Barking out a surprised laugh, Jake said, “Yeah. That sounds like you.”
Squeezing Jake’s shoulder, Grant said, “Come on, man. I think you’ve done all the damage you can do in here.”
