But every time I open my mouth to say the words, I see the fear that already lives in his green eyes whenever he looks at me.
The way his jaw tightens when I wince.
The protective hand that automatically moves to my stomach as if he can shield our baby through sheer force of will.
He’s already drowning in guilt and responsibility.
I won’t add to that burden.
The cramp intensifies, and I bite my lip to keep from crying out.
After a moment, it passes, leaving me breathless and shaking.
I close the laptop quickly as I hear footsteps in the hallway.
Elena appears in the doorway with a tray of tea and crackers, her blue eyes immediately finding mine with concern.
“How bad is it today?” she asks quietly, setting the tray down and closing the door behind her.
“Manageable.” The lie tastes bitter on my tongue.
Elena crosses her arms, her petite frame somehow managing to look intimidating. “Mrs. Artyomov, you need to tell him. These symptoms are getting worse.”
“I can’t.” I reach for the tea with trembling hands. “He’s already dealing with so much. The power struggles, the threats, trying to go legitimate while keeping everyone safe. If he knew how bad this was getting, he’d lose his mind.”
“He’s going to lose more than his mind if something happens to you or the baby.” Elena sits in the chair across from me, her voice gentle but firm. “I’ve watched you double over in pain when you think no one is looking. This isn’t just morning sickness or normal pregnancy discomfort.”
Tears burn my eyes, and I blink them back furiously.
I’ve been crying over everything lately.
Yesterday I sobbed for twenty minutes because I couldn’t find my favorite sweater.
The day before, I broke down watching a commercial about puppies.
I don’t know if it’s the hormones or the fear that’s been building inside me like a tidal wave.
“What if I’m not strong enough for this?” The question escapes before I can stop it. “What if bringing a child into Mikhail’s world is the most selfish thing I could do?”
Elena’s expression softens. “You’re one of the strongest women I’ve ever met. You’ve survived things that would have broken most people.”
“But is that enough?” I set down the tea, my hands shaking too badly to hold the cup. “I’ve been researching safe houses, Elena. New identities. Places where Mikhail and I could disappear with the baby and start over completely.”
“Does he know?”
I shake my head. “He’d never agree to it. Too many people depend on him. His men, their families, all the legitimate businesses. He can’t just walk away.”
“So you’re planning to leave him?” Elena’s voice is carefully neutral.
“I don’t know.” The admission makes my chest ache. “I love him so much it terrifies me. But I’m bringing a child into a world where people get kidnapped and tortured. Where bullets fly and bodies drop. What kind of mother does that make me?”
Another cramp hits, stronger this time, and I gasp. Elena is at my side immediately, her hand on my shoulder.
“That’s it,” she says firmly. “I’m calling the doctor.”
“No.” I grab her wrist. “Please. Just give me a few more days. I have an appointment scheduled for next week. If things aren’t better by then, I’ll tell Mikhail everything. I promise.”
Elena studies my face for a long moment, then sighs. “Three days. That’s all I’m giving you. If you’re not better in three days, I’m telling him myself.”
