When I fell asleep in that alley getting soaked by the rain, I honestly thought I would wake up alone and afraid, or that Malcom Kozlov would find me and finish what he started. Knowing I'm here where Dimitri promised me I'd be safe allows me to unburden myself and let the tears finally fall.
The bedroom door opens and Dimitri walks in carrying a glass of water. When he sees I'm awake, he crosses the room quickly and sets the glass on the nightstand.
"Don't try to sit up too fast." His hand settles on my shoulder. "You've been out a while." He sits on the edge of the bed and the mattress dips, causing me to roll toward him a little.
"How long?" My voice comes out rough and scratchy.
"Eight hours," he says, helping me sit up slowly as he props pillows behind my back. "Doc Rodim left about two hours ago. He said you passed out from dehydration and stress. The cuts on your stomach aren't deep enough to cause serious damage, but you lost some blood."
I look down at my body, dressed in Dimitri's oversized T-shirt and baggy boxers. I can feel the sticky tape of the bandage, but I don't remember being brought here or being treated. And I definitely don't remember anyone dressing me. Everything after hiding behind the dumpster is a blur.
"I can't believe you came and found me…" I sniffle and eye the water. I'm so thirsty. "I thought I'd end up dead."
"You almost did." He picks up the water glass and hands it to me. "Drink this slowly."
I take small sips, and the cool water soothes my raw throat. When the glass is half empty, I set it back on the nightstand and look at him properly. There's dried blood on his shirt and a cut on his cheek that's been cleaned but not bandaged.
"Are you hurt?" I reach up to touch his face, but he catches my hand, kissing my palm and breathing me in.
"I'm alright,Rodnaya, I'm okay." His lips are tender on my fingertips, then my knuckles. I've never seen him so caring and doting.
"What happened?" I pull the blanket up higher. "How did you find me?"
"Malcom set me up. He told me to come to the church, and we did." He lets my hand gently rest in his on his lap as he studies me. "Then we stormed the building and opened fire the second we breached the doors."
"Did anyone get hurt?" The thought of people dying because of me makes my stomach turn.
"A few injuries, but nothing fatal on our side." His hand cradles my cheek then as he says, "I killed every last person in that building,Milaya. For you."
My chest twists as I think about how violent he must've been to do that much killing, how angry he probably was. And to know he did it for me shocks me. It's not like he owes me anything, or ever did, for that matter. But he came to rescue me.
He continues without looking at me, and I can tell this part is harder for him to talk about. "We searched the neighborhood in the rain for over an hour before one of my men found you behind that dumpster."
"I didn't know where else to go." I wipe my eyes with the back of my hand. "I couldn't get to you and I didn't have my phone, and I was so tired."
"You shouldn't have had to go anywhere." His head falls and he sounds remorseful. "You should've been safe in Moscow with Rurik."
The mention of his name makes me flinch. I had nightmares while I slept about seeing his blood spray all over that concrete.My head hangs and after several seconds, I say, "I'm sorry about what happened to him. I know he was your friend."
"It's fine." The words come out clipped. "He knew the risks."
"It's not fine," I tell him, squeezing his hand. "He died protecting me. That's not fine, and you don't have to pretend it is."
"What do you want me to say?" Dimitri meets my eyes and looks almost despondent, though he'd never admit it. "That I'm devastated? That I'm angry? That I want to bring him back and kill him myself for letting you get taken?" I watch his Adam's apple bob, and then his jaw clenches. Rightfully, he's upset with Rurik for letting this happen, but I know he blames himself too.
"I want you to be honest." I hold his gaze. "You're allowed to have feelings about this."
"Well… Feelings never did me any good before." When he looks away, I feel the sting of his comment and pat his hand.
"I'm not sure you're giving yourself enough credit." He doesn’t realize that it was feelings that drove him to come after me, and he won’t even let himself express them.
I know he's putting up walls. I've seen him do it before when things get too intense or too personal. But I don't know how to get through to him when he's like this. I don't know how to make him understand that it's okay to be human.
"I'm sorry." It's all I can offer. "I'm sorry he's dead and I'm sorry you had to come rescue me, and I'm sorry for all of this."
"Stop apologizing." Dimitri stands slowly and says, "None of this is your fault."
"But Rurik would still be alive if?—"
