Taleah
I’VE BEEN ON the ranch for a week now and I am slowly adjusting to things. Everything here moves slower and we’re left on our own when we’re not in therapy or seeing the medical team. Roger, the owner and operator of the ranch, got in contact with my physical therapist and arranged for them to come to the ranch to work with me. He ordered equipment he didn’t have specifically for me and made sure it was all installed properly. Roger put a rush order on everything just to ensure I didn’t miss any appointments. I can feel my legs getting stronger, but by the end of the day I’m ready to collapse and feel as if they won’t hold me up. I’ve started taking baths with Ivy, another person here for help, staying close in case I can’t get out of the tub. The medical team is also always on standby for us in case something happens. I love everything here and how far Roger and the staff are willing to go to help those in need. They don’t just give us a safe haven from the people we need to escape, they ensure we have everything needed to fully recover.
Ivy and I have been spending a lot of time together. She goes out with me first thing in the morning and we do simple yoga moves and meditate. I never really got into meditating or yoga before, but I’m finding both help me a lot. It keeps me centered and focused better than ever before. Annistyn has even joined us a few times in the morning when she has the time. I truly enjoy spending time with both women and have opened up a little to each of them. They’ve opened up in return and we’veformed a kind of trio. I have Annistyn’s number and we plan on meeting up when I leave the ranch and can move on with my life.
My counselor is Debbie and I love her. I meet with her three times a week. She lets me talk with little guidance from her other than the first time we met. It took a lot for me to say a word. When I did start talking, I did a lot of crying. That session was actually all about Bhodi and the guilt I feel over his death. Debbie listened to me and explained that Bhodi made his own choice that night. That there wasn’t anything I could do because I don’t know how to swim and he wouldn’t have wanted me to lose my life when he gave up his to protect me from someone that was trying to rape me. Elara is the only one who knows that’s what happened that night. That the asshole my brother got into a fight with was trying to get me away from the crowd so he could rape me. He was pissed at Rex and wanted to hurt him. The main way to do that was through me. Instead, Bhodi fought him and ended up dying because of the altercation. Debbie let me know that it’s okay to miss Bhodi and accept my role in what happened that night, but I was nothing more than a victim. Bhodi was also a victim. She also explained that Elara and the others did the right thing by not letting me get in the pool.
Since then, I have opened up about TJ. Debbie has me talking about the situation with him from the very beginning. At the end of each session, she explains how the relationship was toxic and abusive. Abuse isn’t always physical and everything he did or said added up to him abusing me in one form or another. We also spend a little bit of time at the end talking about the fact that I may have to testify against him and how I can handle that situation when it comes up. Debbie has given me a few different techniques to try when I start to feel overwhelmed. One of the big ones is meditation and yoga even if I have to start outextremely slow and try to do the easy poses that don’t put a lot of strain on my legs or arm.
Another thing Debbie has me doing is writing in a journal when I have nightmares. The first thing I’m supposed to do when I wake up is make a journal entry so I don’t forget what the nightmare was about or how it made me feel. We go through the entries at my next session and dissect each one. I’ve learned why I’m having them a little bit and they are starting to fade away. They aren’t as bad as normal when I have one and I can actually go back to sleep after I pull myself out and get done writing about it. I know someone has been in my room with me once when it took longer than normal to wake up. No one has said it was them, but I have a feeling it was Rex.
Rex has hardly left the ranch since I got here and I know it’s because he wants to be close. He hasn’t tried to talk to me again, but I know he’s simply biding his time. Wherever I go, Rex seems to follow me around like Manic follows Ivy. The two of them rarely leave us alone and part of me likes it. It’s like we have our own security team and something to look at when we’re meditating. That’s when they typically workout and take their shirts off. I won’t ever turn down the opportunity to see Rex half naked even if I don’t especially like him right now. His body is a work of art I’ve always liked. Plus, I wouldn’t say that I don’t like Rex. He simply broke my heart and I know we have to talk about things because there is so much neither of us know. Secrets I’ve kept from him and the reasons why he acted the way he did. Yes, Debbie and I have touched on that and she’s suggested bringing him in for a session or two if that’s what I need to have the conversation with him.
“Taleah, are you okay?” Ivy asks me as I enter the kitchen for a drink of water after a grueling therapy session.
“No. My therapist is a sadist. She pushed me past my limits today and I hurt. My legs feel like jelly,” I answer her as she rushes to the refrigerator and grabs me a bottle of water so I don’t have to walk all the way there. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. I’m making some lunch for the three of us. Would you like something to eat?” she questions me as I lean heavily against my walker.
“I don’t honestly know if I can eat right now. I already feel sick to my stomach. Honestly, I might go lay down until dinner and see how I feel,” I tell her as I place the bottle of water in my pocket and turn to leave the kitchen. “If you need me, feel free to come get me. I’ll wait to take a bath because I don’t believe I’ll be able to get out of the tub right now.”
“Okay. Call Roger if you need me to come in and help you with anything. I have to get a phone one of these days,” Ivy says and I watch as Manic gives her a look. She’ll have a phone by the end of the day if he has anything to say about it.
Walking in my room, I close the door behind me and head straight for the bed. It’s one of the most comfortable beds I’ve ever had the pleasure of sleeping in. I remove my sneakers and place the walker directly next to the side of the bed where I can easily reach it before sliding under the blankets and promptly falling asleep.
I wake up with a jerk and realize someone is in my room. My eyes snap open and I find a blurry version of Ivy next to my bed. She looks down at me with a sheepish smile on her face. As I rub the sleep from my eyes and try to figure out what’s going on.
“I’m sorry to wake you up, Taleah. Roger asked me to bring you out for dinner. You barely had anything for breakfastand skipped lunch. With you being in physical therapy and trying to build your strength back up, you really need to eat,” she says before I can ask her what’s going on.
“Oh. Okay. Let me go to the bathroom and I’ll be right out there,” I promise as I carefully get out of bed and use my walker to go in the bathroom.
“Um, I should probably let you know Master will be eating dinner with us tonight,” Ivy informs me hesitantly as if it’s the last thing she wants to say.
“It’s okay. I can ignore him if that’s what it takes to eat dinner. I’ll sit as far from him as possible,” I respond before closing the door and completing my business so I can go have dinner.
By the time I make it to the dining room, Roger, Ivy, Manic, Viper, and Rex are already sitting. The only chair left is between Viper and Master as I look at Ivy. She won’t meet my eyes and I have a feeling she knew about the seating arrangement when she woke me up for dinner. I’m sure Rex told her not to say anything so I would actually come out and have dinner instead of remaining in my room all alone. I get where Roger is coming from, but I don’t want to share a meal with Rex in any capacity.
Tonight Roger and Ivy made a roast with mashed potatoes, gravy, and peas. There’s rolls that still have steam coming off of them and my mouth waters in anticipation of the food in front of me. We all pass the dishes around the table, only they never hit my hands. Rex puts food on my plate before taking some for himself and giving the dish to Viper. I notice Ivy and myself are given food before any of the guys take some for themselves. It’s kind of nice and reminds me of my brother when he was alive. He would always feed me before taking anything for himself in case there wasn’t enough.
“How are things going with you, Taleah? Are you enjoying your time spent on the ranch?” Roger asks me and I realize it’s really the first time I’ve seen him since I got here.
“I honestly love it here. Everything is so slow and at a pace you don’t find off the property. I don’t have some place to be or something to be doing for my store. I can simply sit back and breathe. Well, when my physical therapist hasn’t been here,” I say before giving a soft laugh as Ivy joins in because of my comments earlier.
“I’m glad. And are you getting along with your therapist?” he questions me as I take a bite of my food.
“I love her. She’s really helping me see things in a new light and realize what I was in denial of before talking to her,” I respond knowing Rex is listening to every single word I say.
“That’s really good. I’m glad to hear it,” he says as we all start talking about mundane topics while enjoying the food in front of us.
I finish first and stand from my seat before grabbing my plates.
“You can leave them there, Taleah. I don’t want you walking to the kitchen without your walker. You’ve had therapy today and I’m sure your legs are bothering you. We can take care of your dishes for you,” Roger says as Rex places his hand over them in an effort to stop me.
“Thank you,” I respond, grabbing my walker and heading for the front porch so I can watch the sunset. It’s been a very long time since I sat back and watched the sun disappear in the sky as the moon and stars come out for the night.
“You’re welcome,” I hear him say as I make my way out the front door and toward one of the rocking chairs.
Taking a seat, I move the walker out of the way as I simply look at the area surrounding me. It’s beautiful with the trees close to the house, flat lands for the horses to roam on, and nothing but nature. I can hear the sounds of the animals from the barn and smile to myself as I just take it all in. The last time I sat and watched a sunset was with Rex. We were in the back of his old truck and he just held me as the sun disappeared in a sky full of color. It was one of the best nights in my life and happened just before everything happened. It’s honestly one of the last good memories I have before Bhodi died.
