Page 85 of My Real Love Affair

I cringed but nodded. “So I let some woman dance with me,” I confirmed. “And another one. And I drank too much and acted like the idiot everyone expects me to be.”

“And you got photographed.”

“And I got photographed.” I looked at her. “I embarrassed you. I know that. This whole plan was my idea. And I fucked it up. Now you look like the idiot, not me. I just look like the asshole everyone expected me to be.”

She stopped walking, turning to face me. “Do you know what they’re saying about me online?”

“I can imagine.”

“They’re saying I was stupid to think someone like you could actually want someone like me. That I should’ve known better. That I was never worthy of a man like you.” Her voice cracked slightly. “That I wastoomuch woman for you. That’s the phrase they keep using. Too much woman. And they’re not talking about my personality.”

Rage surged through me. “Who’s saying that? Give me names.”

She rolled her eyes. “It doesn’t matter who. It’s not like they actually use their real names. It’s what people think.” She wrapped her arms around herself. “And maybe they’re right. Maybe I was stupid to think this could work. That you could actually?—”

“What?”

“Nothing.” She shook her head. “It doesn’t matter.”

“It does matter. Tell me.”

“I thought maybe you were starting to like me. Really like me. Not for the arrangement, not for the cameras, but actually me.” She laughed, but it sounded broken. “How stupid is that?”

“I mean, I hit on you pretty hard last night,” I said slowly. “Remember? It’s the whole reason you ran away.”

“Oh yeah.”

“So, you weren’t wrong, Melody. I do like you. I like you so fucking much it terrifies me.”

She looked up at me, her eyes searching my face. “Then why?—”

“Because I’m an idiot who doesn’t know how to handle real feelings. Because the last time I let myself care about someone, she was using me. It’s easier to fuck up and push people away than it is to actually try.” I took a step closer. “But I’m going to make this right. If you’ll let me. I’m going to prove to you that I can be better than last night. Better than what everyone expects.”

“Austin, no. There’s no point.”

“I know I don’t deserve another chance.” I looked into those hazel eyes that had been haunting me since the moment we met. “But I’m asking for one anyway.”

She stared at me for several seconds. Then she shook her head slowly. “I can’t do this. I’m sorry. This was a mistake.”

I stared at her with my mouth hanging open. She turned to walk away, heading back toward her townhouse. I couldn’t let her go. Not like this. Not when I hadn’t said what I actually came here to say.

I caught her hand gently, my fingers wrapping around her wrist. Not holding tight. She stopped and slowly turned back to look at me. I made myself meet her eyes, even though it felt like standing in front of a firing squad.

“I’m sorry,” I said, and I meant it with every part of me. “I’m sorry I hurt you. I’m sorry I embarrassed you. I’m sorry I proved every fear you had about me was justified. You took a chance on me when you had every reason not to, and I fucked it up. Like I fuck everything up.”

Her eyes were shining with unshed tears.

“But I want you to know—whether you give me another chance or not—you didn’t make a mistake.” I squeezed her hand gently. “Taking a chance on me wasn’t stupid. That was brave. And you deserve someone who’s brave enough to meet you there.”

“Austin, I’m sorry, I can’t.”

“I wish I had done better by you,” I continued. “I wish I’d been the man you thought I could be. But maybe I can still become that man. With enough time. Enough work.”

I released her hand, stepping back.

“Thank you,” I said. “For everything. For making me want to be better.” I started backing away, giving her space. “I hope you get everything you deserve, Melody. I really do.”

Then I turned and walked away. Every instinct I had screamed at me to stay and fight harder. But for once, I was going to respect someone’s boundaries. Even if it killed me.