“Not when you look like this. I’m just speaking the truth.”
He leads me outside, and as we walk through the covered trail, I feel like we’re the guard of honor at the end of our wedding. I picture rice falling behind us, a bridesmaid clutching a bouquet, the cheers of friends and family.
I shake my head. Where did that come from?
“What is it?” Bradley asks as we exit the trail onto the driveway. The night is still and calm, and I feel, suddenly, like a wild horse facing an open gate. All of life is ahead of me, and it’s entirely unknown. I can go anywhere and do anything.
It’s a new feeling, and I like it.
“I’m just—” I trail off, unsure how to say it.
I can sense him looking down at me as we approach the house. “I know. I know exactly how you feel. Sometimes there aren’t words. You can’t eff the ineffable. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.”
“Eff the ineffable? Is that a curse word?”
The floorboards creak as I climb the steps to his front door, as if registering a complaint. The house knows I don’t belong here. I’m a foreigner, a virus, a volatile compound.
“Just bastardizing an old quote. Come, come.” He leads me through to the dining room. A lit candelabra sits on the table.
“Sorry, it might be a bit cold by now. I wasn’t expecting our friend Neil to pop over.”
“Don’t call him that.”
“Yes, my little bird.”
“Ew. And definitely don’t call me that.”
“Darling?”
“No, no,” I say, sitting at a plate of fish and salad. “Don’t call me any of that.”
“Why not? Too cringe?”
He sits next to me—and suddenly the voice I thought I’d suppressed gets loud again. My conscience.
“I’m sorry. I’ve just never done this before,” I say quietly, and immediately feel embarrassed. I look down at the fish. “I don’t know how to act. I’d like to be the cool girl who bangs everyone’s boyfriend without a care in the world. But it’s just not me.”
“Stop apologizing! It’s me who should be sorry. I dragged you into this mess.”
“You didn’t drag anyone.” I take my knife and fork and begin to attack my fish. I’m suddenly starving. “I don’t know what that was. I think my brain is playing tricks on me. You’re being too nice.”
“Brie, I’m not just being nice. I’ll respect your wishes, of course, but you should know, I genuinely feel something for you. I like you. A lot.”
I make a face. “You’re just a horny old man. You’ll forget about me by the end of the summer.”
“Don’t say that!” He waits until I look up at him. “I know I said we can be friends, but you should know that I honestly want to see where this goes. Seriously. I know it’s messy right now, but it won’t be for much longer.”
“What does that mean?”
“I’m going to get a divorce as soon as possible.”
I know I shouldn’t believe him—and not necessarily because he’s lying, but because marriages are deep and complex, and it’s never as simple as just ‘getting a divorce’. He’s intoxicated with me because I’m young and pretty andhere,and he’s making promises that he’ll inevitably regret. Even if he does what he says, Grace will be in his life for a long time.
He shifts back to his seat, and we eat the rest of the meal in silence. As soon as I’m finished, he takes my hand.
“Stay here. You can stay the night in a real bed,” he says. “I’ll keep my hands to myself. You can sleep in the spare room.”
I laugh, but then pull my hand away. It feels dangerous, but also precisely what I need. After seeing the notebook in Grace’s attic and Neil turning up, I have no desire to spend the night alone in the cottage.
