A question for the ages… But maybe no more. Maybe it was time?
When she lifted her eyes to Paloma, she saw instant understanding. Instant fear, and on the tail end of that fear, rejection.
No, Paloma was not going to let her in, not after nearly dying twice. Not that Deryn thought either of these events wouldmatter. In fact, they were pretty much strikes against her, what with Paloma’s history. And certainly, sharing her magic didn’t. After all, it had helped Paloma and her sisters find her at the Tavern that night. This connection that they seemed to share.
Seemed to? You fool…
Deryn lowered her hand, Paloma’s fingers falling off her elbow, and Deryn caught them, lifting them, placing the palm on her heart.
“I missed you,” was all she said, and the fear in Paloma’s eyes doubled. It was painful to see.
“Deryn… Please. You can’t… You promised.”
“I lied.” Deryn knew her heart was going wild under the touch of those warm fingertips.
“You didn’t. You didn’t, Deryn, and I didn’t either. I have reasons…” Paloma trailed off, her eyes following a particularly curious heron.
“Death, heartbreak, ruin, pain, and fear. These are your reasons.” Deryn closed a finger on her other hand for each word and watched Paloma sigh, deflated.
“They are valid. As is your reason not to stay on Dragons. Your season ofBake Your Heart Outis beginning in two months, and my place is here, in Crow’s Nest. I can’t have you for two months and watch you leave. And I can’t have you for two years and watch you leave then. I will not survive another divorce in seven years. And I cannot lose you again.”
Paloma’s eyes went wide, clearly at the admission of something—something Deryn didn’t quite understand until that last line pierced her consciousness.
“Again?”
“I nearly lost you twice already. Is that not enough?” Paloma looked away, eyes lowered and cagey.
“I don’t think that’s what you’re talking about.”
Deryn lifted Paloma’s chin, forcing their eyes to meet. There were tears in Paloma’s. Something wasn’t right…
But before Deryn could ask, Paloma’s tears spilled, and Deryn’s heart broke.
No, she couldn’t do this. Not to this woman. She couldn’t push and press and convince… Not when she was crying. Tears made Deryn weak, made her want to do anything, give anything, just to make Paloma happy again.
“Deryn, you don’t understand. You will leave, so go. Why are you even here?” Paloma’s breaths were coming out as sobs, tearing at Deryn’s already bruised heart. “Leave. Take your cat and go. To your fame and to your celebrity and to all the women, and I won’t have to see you…” Paloma trailed off, walking the rest of the way to the end of the pier, the waves higher there, the foam spilling over the boards. To Deryn, she looked like a goddess rising out of the foamy ocean.
She heard Paloma say, “Go!” once again and turned, taking a few steps in the direction of the little brick cottage where the glass was being installed for the display windows that would one day hold cupcakes, breads, and muffins. She could lease it to Khalid. And they could bake there side by side every time she came back…
She heard the wind bring Paloma’s murmured, “Go. I can’t stand to see you leave me, not again.” And the puzzle pieces fit in her mind, clicking firmly together, making that satisfying cardboard sound. Click. Deryn was a fool. Click. She had seen these eyes all her life. Why would it never occur to her that maybe the woman in her dreams would too?
Fool…
“Fuck it!” Deryn whirled around, finding Paloma actually just a few feet away from her, and closed the distance in a second, her hands reaching for the tearstained face, holding the cold cheeks, watching the amber eyes well up again.
“I can’t go. You’re scared, and you’ve lost so much. You’ve had your heart broken, you’ve been lied to, and you’ve been died on.” Deryn winced at her own choice of words, but Paloma’s hands reached up and covered hers, tears still falling down the sharp cheekbones, now over their joined fingers. “I’ve been seeing a woman in my dreams since I mastered the craft. I’ve been waiting for her for so long… And then when I saw you… I knew you, and all I wanted was for you to know me. To see me.”
Deryn drew a shaky breath and went on.
“I’ve never stayed anywhere. Always a new city every other month. I didn’t even fucking open my own place ever, and I’ve had some pretty sweet offers. L.A., New York, damn, even Paris, but it wasn’t home. And nobody ever asked me to stay.” Deryn laughed and heard how bitter she sounded.
“I thought being asked was important. That it meant something. When I met you those months ago… Goddess, I wanted you to ask me to stay so badly.” She saw Paloma’s eyes grow wide, the tears drying in them. Still, Deryn traced the swell of the lower lip and finally said what she’d wanted to say since the very beginning of this entire ordeal.
“I really wanted to be asked to stay. For once. I don’t know, call it pride or just the desire to be wanted, since I never really was. But, fuck that. I will ask. I will beg. I will do anything, just don’t make me go. Please, don’t make me go…”
She closed her eyes and lowered her forehead. She didn’t know what she was waiting for, and then she felt soft lips touch her skin—her forehead first, then her eyes, her cheek, her jaw, and finally, her mouth.
The kiss lasted forever, Paloma’s lips soft, sweet, gliding over hers, making her sigh, long fingers finally letting go of her hands and diving into her hair to grip it tight, as if she…
