“I can’t,” Deryn finally said. “I can’t tell you I’m happy. And I can’t tell you that you’re wrong about any of what you said. Maybe with one exception.”
“Which was?”
“You said no woman made me ever remotely happy… Well, one did.” Deryn chewed on her lower lip. “Ceridwen had the same question, or along the same vein, when I got here. About having had so many women, and if I would even know the one when I saw her. I did. And she made me happy, even if she wasn’t supposed to.”
Victoria’s smile was devious.
“I happen to adore Ms. Allende, just so you know.”
Deryn realized today was the day she would just spend with her jaw on the floor.
“Oh, c’mon now, child. It’s all over your face. I am so very happy that you’re not that big of a dumbass as to not recognize who she is to you.”
Victoria shivered, and then, in true Victoria fashion, uttered the strangest thing.
“And if you have questions about her widowhood, I think her having had a wife in between there is a good sign.”
Deryn nearly fell over.
“I didn’t even consider…the dead wife.”
“Well, maybe that’s a good thing, then. I mean, look at Rhiannon, widow and yet back on the horse?—”
Deryn clasped a hand over her face.
“Can we not talk about this? How do you even come up with these things?”
Victoria grinned.
“Heard a pretty little birdy told you we might be ADD? Or is it ADHD these days? I can’t keep up.”
Deryn almost felt her eyes pop out of her head.
“How do you?—”
“She might not be wrong, you know, kiddo. I think I am going to look into it. I remember hearing how underdiagnosed women usually are because we simply power through everything.”
Deryn’s eyes prickled with tears. She was so proud of her aunt. Victoria winked at her, then a companionable sort of silence fell around them.
Until Victoria spoke again.
“Hiraeth.”
“Sorry?” Deryn leaned closer, thinking she must’ve misheard. She did not understand the word.
“It’s Welsh, I think.” Victoria mused. “It means a longing for home. A home that is no longer there.” Deryn flinched, and Victoria squeezed her fingers. “After Lizzy died… We all lost our home. Yes, Crow House is standing, and Seren made it hers. Yes, my Tavern is here. So are our Dragons, but we lost a soul. Our soul. And the fact that it was taken from us makes finding it again so much more difficult.”
Victoria trailed off, hastily wiping tears that were freezing on her cheeks.
“Hiraeth.” Deryn repeated the word, tasting salty-sweet on her tongue. It fit. It fit perfectly.
Deryn sighed and burrowed deeper into her jacket. She could feel herself getting tired. A bone-deep tiredness that she had rarely experienced. A magical depletion was rare. She knew better than to ever come close to something like it. She had always been careful before.
Victoria looked at her phone.
“Forty-five minutes. Do you have a plan B?”
“A plan B, Aunty? I don’t even have a plan A.”
