“So, ‘Paloma,’ huh? No more ‘Ms. Allende’? You looked good together on Market Square. Something you want to tell me?”
“Ugh…” Deryn looked around for some kind of escape hatch. The house held none but the phthalo door, and it was locked.
She desperately snatched the little saucepan from the rack and the jam. But the coconut and sugar filling did not save her. Ceridwen was determined.
“I mean, I did read about it in theCaw, so it must be true. Seeing you together, holding hands and looking very cute, was still a surprise.”
“I was going to tell you,” Deryn grumbled. She tried to focus on the task at hand, folding together coconut, sugar, and eggs, but her fingers felt foreign to her, heavy and limp. Surely this was the moment to come clean. With Ceridwen looking at her with those kind, expectant eyes, now was the moment to say?—
“We just hit it off, and well, she’s not looking for anything permanent, so I thought, why not? It’s not serious or anything. Just…hanging out.”
“Is that a euphemism for sex?” Ceridwen wrinkled her nose. “Because there seemed to be a lot of sex in the mix there.”
“In where, Ceri?” Deryn almost swallowed her tongue. What the hell was happening? She tried not to look up at Ceridwen from the boiling saucepan. She stirred the thick paste for a few minutes before setting it aside. Ceridwen seemed undeterred by the baking process, or by the air of a busy baker that Deryn tried to project. Ceridwen didn’t even blink an eye when Deryn began to whisk the whites by hand. Yes, they had a mixer. No, Deryn never used it for beating egg whites. Sue her, she was picky about the texture of her whisked egg whites.
Ceridwen clearly didn’t care about the eggs at all.
“The aura the two of you projected, the energy. Like you were burning up the sheets and had just rolled out of bed before strolling around Market Square. Everyone noticed, I guarantee.” Ceridwen stole a tiny bit of whisked egg whites after Deryn added sugar and coconut to them, bringing her finger to her lips. She smiled, then reached for her tea. When she grimaced, Deryn simply extended her free hand and warmed the tea again. This time, she stopped before the boiling point.
“Thanks. I just mean you looked hot and heavy, that’s all. And I’m not even going to ask anything about your intentions or whatever. This is you we’re talking about.”
“You’re very snacky tonight, Ceri. And what’s that supposed to mean?” Deryn suddenly felt offended. She couldn’t quite explain why. The coconut mixture and the egg whites were left to rest, while the oven whirred quietly. With nothing else to do, Deryn finally gave her sister her full attention.
“I’m just…nervous, I guess, hence the snackiness. Plus, these are your pastries, so I’d have to be dead and buried not to get excited about them. As for the other thing, it’s nothing bad, silly. You never stay. You told everyone as much. And why would you even consider doing so anyway?”
Ceridwen wrapped her hands around the mug, warming them. Deryn let the power run to her rapidly chilling fingers. Shecould swear the room was being sapped of warmth, and not by her.
“Would you please drop the goddamn death jokes? Like, my god, enough already. I’m not ready for them. I’m not even sure you are.” Ceri had the grace to look chagrined at Deryn’s outburst, but she did not interrupt, so Deryn went on. “And I have a career, you know.” Deryn pointed with her chin to the bowls and the cutting board that were waiting for her when she was ready to assemble the sandwiches.
“I know.” Her sister’s voice was flat. “And Paloma is planting roots here on Dragons. Her Astronomy Resort is a fascinating place, the talk of the East Coast. And the entire running for mayor campaign? Initially, I thought she’d make a quick buck and hit the road. After all, her entire business is in New York. But, I have to say, she surprised me. The campaign screams permanence, settling down. And she’s reaching that age when settling down is something one thinks about more and more.”
“She’s your age, Ceri.”
“Yes, therefore I know a thing or two about this particular time in one’s life. And I do wonder what brought her to Dragons, of all places. Martha’s Vineyard is right there. That seems more up her alley…”
Deryn turned away, hoping the gesture looked natural, like she wasn’t hiding her eyes from her sister. Like she wasn’t hiding the fact that she knew exactly how and why Paloma ended up on Dragons. Ceridwen and Paloma herself might not have an answer, but Deryn knew.
The oven pinged, and Deryn jumped. Then she exhaled and took the baked sandwich base out, laying it carefully on the cutting board. Ceridwen handed her the jar of strawberry jam.
“I don’t know what to say to that, Ceri.”
Ceridwen set her mug down. Deryn spread the jam over the dough. She folded the now rested egg whites into the coconut mix and layered it on top of the jam.
“I don’t want you to say anything, Der. I want you to think.”
Deryn opened the oven door and plopped the sheet of sandwiches in, setting the timer for thirty minutes.
“I have done nothing but think since I arrived, Ceri. I’m getting a headache from all the thinking.” She wiped her hands on the dish towel and then hung it carefully on the oven door. Never before was she as glad that she cleaned as she went, because the kitchen was spotless behind her as she exited.
“Make sure you cut the bake into as large or as small size bars as you like them as soon as they’re ready. They’re easier to maneuver when hot from the oven. I’m off to clear my head from all the thoughts.”
Ceridwen was still standing in the middle of the kitchen when Deryn shut the front door behind herself.
Her feet tookher to the beach. Somehow, she always ended up by the water. The ocean had always soothed her. Even as a troubled, difficult child, she’d calm down watching the waves chase each other, destined to always fail in their pursuit. It made her feel better about her own failures, her own pursuits.
Seren was an A-grade student. Rhiannon was dating everything that moved while somehow also maintaining high grades and ending up valedictorian. Deryn? Bottom of the barrel. Always in trouble. Always being called to the principal’s office. And the comparisons to her sisters were usually just the stones that weighed her down and made her sink deeper.
Deryn made a snowball and threw it into the incoming wave. Her hands were cold, but she didn’t mind the sensation. Regulating her warmth was the first thing her mother taught her: how to know exactly how much she needed and how to do it subtly, almost wordlessly, unseen and unperceived by the world.
