“Doesn’t mean she didn’t break her own heart in the process. Don’t be an asshole. She loved you, no doubt in my mind,” Max retorts.
“She definitely loves you,” Howie says, placing a hand on my shoulder as he walks past me into the back.
Max and I each drink down two more glasses in silence. He pretends he’s watching whatever basketball game is on the TV overhead, and I internally spin out. Why do they both insist Olive’s in love with me when she made it very clear she isn’t? She acted like we didn’t know each other at all. She hasn’t reached out since Halloween, and frankly, the more I think about everything, the angrier I get.
I’m not manipulative. I would never use her or do something to hurt her. She made it seem like I was a dumbass bad boy who only treated her kindly because I had something to gain. Never mind all the times I went above and beyond to make things special for her, or the times I was patient when I knew she was holding back.
“Do you want another pitcher or food?” Howie asks as he approaches.
“I want to know what you know. Why did she do it? What happened when she saw Irina? Does she honestly believe I manipulated things with her?” I rattle off a slew of questions.
“Let’s go out back.” Howie gives me a stern look, like I should know better than to talk about this so openly.
Max and I follow him outside despite the protest in my belly. I don’t want to hide anymore. I hate secrets and lying. I don’t want to go into a back alley and whisper. But Howie pushes open the rear door and we file out, standing in the cool dark space.
“Look, Sam. Olive is my friend, one of my closest friends. I want to help you, but I need you to know that while I appreciate how close you and I have gotten, I’m on her side if I need to be.” He shifts nervously.
“Howard, answer his fucking questions. He deserves to know,” Max says, a murderous look on his face.
“Okay, but Olive needs to explain most of the details. I’ll give you the basics . . .” I nod and signal for him to continue.
“Olive grew up never feeling adequate, made to believe she wasn’t good enough. Those feelings have made it really hard for her to open up to people, and she doesn’t believe she’s capable of it. I don’t think any of this has anything to do with you, though, and I know she’s in love with you.”
“No, she’s not. So what happened with Irina?” I ask, sloughing off his assessment.
“She is, if she wasn’t she wouldn’t have spent the last week in bed crying. I’ve been the one there, wiping her tears and making sure she eats. If you want to continue this conversation, we are going to get one thing straight. You are not going to tell me how she feels or what she’s going through. I slept on her bedroom floor for two days straight just to make sure she was safe, so I knew she wasn’t alone,” Howie warns.
My heart plummets into my stomach. I want to be the one to soothe her, to be there for her. I nod for him to continue, committing with a simple move of my head that I won’t assume what she’s going through.
“When we saw Irina, Olive was so brave. She demanded what she wanted and stood up for herself. Irina confirmed that she didn’t play a part in your relationship with Olive. But the bottom line is that Olive needs to confront her insecurities on her own. I know there will come a day where she comes to you. The thing you need to ask yourself is if she’s worth the wait, if she’s worth dealing with all of this. She doesn’t think you will wait for her, doesn’t believe you would want to.”
I’m speechless. I told Olive I would wait for her forever, that I’d love her in this lifetime and the next. I wish she’d believed me.
My phone beeps inside my pocket, capturing my attention. I grab it and read the message from Xavier.
Xav
It’s Baby Time!
Fuck! Not that I expected my best friend’s pregnant wife to schedule her birth around my breakup, but I don’t know if I can deal with this right now. I haven’t even been home in a week. What good will I have to offer my friend in my current state? Remembering how close we are and that being there isn’t optional, I send a quick reply.
On my way!
“Thanks, Howie. I, uh, I gotta go,” I say, flashing the screen at Max.
Howie nods at us and heads back inside as Max and I sprint back toward Eerie. My best friend is having a baby. There’s nothing else in the world that matters right now.
thirty-three
Olive
Two Moms Make It Right
“Momma, can we talk?” I blurt out when my mother answers her phone after the third time I’ve called. She’s been trying to get ahold of me for weeks and then when I finally call, no answer until it’s clearly emergent.
“Olivia? Why are you calling me so early? Are you okay?” she asks.
I glance at the time and realize she probably wasn’t expecting a call at seven in the morning on a Saturday. I don’t feel guilty though; I’ve never called her like this. One time is the least she owes me.
