About how the last man I let close hurt me. About how if you break my heart, I’m not sure there will be enough pieces left to reassemble.
‘What happens in the morning.’
His palm pauses on my spine. ‘What do you want to happen?’
I want to wake up next to you. I want breakfast and all my Christmases with your family. I want you to look at me the way you looked at me in the studio. Every day.
‘Not sure,’ I say. ‘But I’m scared, generally speaking.’
He is quiet. Then he shifts and tilts my chin up until I’m forced to meet his gaze. ‘You think I’m not? You think I’m not fucking terrified that you’ll wake up and realise this was a mistake? That you’ll look at me and see the man who punched your ex and made your life even more complicated? That we’re risking our friendship?’
‘Scottie—’
‘It’s so real it scares the hell out of me. But I’d rather be scared with you than safe without you.’
I want to believe him, with his body warm against mine and his eyes so open. But as I settle back against him, watching the grey light strengthen towards dawn, a splinter of dread burrows itself under my skin. Part of me is waiting for the other shoe to drop. My instincts don’t know how to process feeling safety and care.
I know that voice. It’s the one that told me to stay small, complacent, and grateful. Silent and invisible. But lying here with Scottie, I’m almost starting to think that voice is full of nonsense.
Almost.
Chapter 19
Scottie
The hardest discipline on earth isn’t rugby. Or ballet. It’s the effort it takes not to lose control when Ava MacKinney is begging for my tongue.
I’m currently ruining her for all other men, and I’m doing it with a level of dedication reserved for a World Cup final I’ve been dreaming of.
Fuck that. This is so much better.
Sunday morning, barely light, and I’m desecrating my childhood bedroom’s old single bed.
‘I can’t get enough of you.’ I sweep my tongue right over the sweet bundle of nerves that has her pushing my face into her pussy, and she makes a sound that I will remember for the rest of my life.
‘Ohhh yes…’
‘Shhh…’ I cover her mouth with my palm. ‘They’re awake now. Unless you want to explain to my mum why you’re yodelling, you bite your lip or you bite my hand.’
Ava’s eyes are dark with lust. She chooses my hand and bites into the fleshy part of my palm as I swirl my tongue again.
I slip a finger inside her tight hole and move fast in and out while I keep teasing her clit with my mouth – just so she gives me another one of those deep moans.
And I’m doing it with my left.
The suction breaks with a squeaking hiss of air.
‘Oh my god.’ She’s mumbling against my palm and staring at my chest, cheeks a brilliant pink.
I lean back enough to look at her. ‘Was that a cheeky wee queef, Ava?’
She laughs and hides her face behind her palms. ‘You can’t ask me that. That’s against sex rules.’
‘Don’t be daft. It’s adorable.’ I kiss her inner thigh and smile against the soft skin. ‘Air goes in, air comes out. As long as I’m the man who’s doing it, I’m fucking thrilled.’
I’ve never had the compulsion to please a woman like this. I need to keep going. I physically can’t stop making Ava happy.
I guide her back to my mouth, and she giggles. I feel the shake of it deep in her core, travelling down her spine before I drown it out by burying my face in her heat. I want to live here and never deal with the real world again.
