‘Nonsense. You were being scared.’
‘I thought he’d never stay anyway; that’s not his thing.’
‘How do you know it couldn’t become his thing? No, you told him to go because you thought you weren’t allowed to ask for what you want. And if you did, and he said he’d go anyway, your squishy heart wouldn’t survive it.’
The damp tissue disintegrates between my fingertips. ‘Sounds not entirely implausible.’
Charlie leans closer, her voice dropping. ‘And now it all makes sense.’
‘What does?’
‘For starters, that Finn told me two minutes ago he won’t sign Marseille.’
My heart stops. ‘He said what now?’
‘Yeah, he said he doesn’t feel ready to leave the Rebels. It’s a new team, and he wants to finish what he started. At least this season, but preferably until they’re at the top. Said he’s not a quitter.’ Her eyes twinkle. ‘But I’m beginning to see that he’s not only staying for the Rebels, but for my brilliant, beautiful, kind-hearted partner.’
I gape at her. ‘You’re making that up.’
‘I’m not.’ Charlie raises her right hand. ‘Brownie’s honour.’
‘You were never a brownie.’
‘Details.’ She waves dismissively. ‘The point is, he’s staying in Stirling.’
I blink. That wasn’t the plan.
‘I’m going to ask you what you asked me last year.’ She moves, and the cardboard box creaks beneath her. ‘Did he do anything to hurt you, ignore you, treat you like shit? What did he actually do wrong?’
‘Not a single thing.’ I keep staring at the scuffed linoleum.
‘Partner,’ she says with a grin that’s half triumph, half sympathy, ‘you’re in love with him.’
‘I know, dammit.’ I swipe at my face with the back of my hand. ‘But what I don’t know is when you got so good at that?’
Charlie kisses my cheek. ‘I learned from the best. You told me that love can be a superpower. Remember?’
I nod, recalling how I gave her that pep talk when the thing with Brodie went down.
‘The thing is, you can’t control love, Theo. And that’s scary. But,’ she adds with a smirk, ‘when you lose control with someone safe, it sets you free. Ask me how I know.’
‘I’d really rather not.’ But I feel my lips curl upward despite everything.
Charlie pulls another tissue out and hands it to me. ‘Do you know why I made you my partner?’
I dab at my eyes and blow my nose like an elephant in the Edinburgh zoo. ‘Because I’m the best and always have a plan?’
‘No.’ She shakes her head. ‘Because you’re at your best when you don’t have a plan. When the script goes out the window and you improvise… That’s when you shine. Might be time to bin the spreadsheets and go off-script.’
I know she’s right. And I know I’m in love with him. But I’ve already shoved him away once, and I won’t go charging back in without a way to undo the damage.
Chapter 24
Finn
Turns out, heartbreak tastes exactly the same as a cold pizza at midnight.
The light in our flat share has gone the colour of dishwater. I’ve been sitting in the same spot on the sofa for two hours, watching the shadows creep across the walls. It’s too quiet. Scottie’s out somewhere again, leaving me with an army of demons and hellscapes of intrusive thoughts.
