I’ve forgotten what it feels like to let another person take some of the weight. I’m not even sure I’ve ever known this feeling until this very minute.
‘You know what’s mad?’ I watch the marshmallows melt. ‘I’ve never told anyone that story before. Not any of my friends, not Charlie, nobody.’
‘Why me, then?’
This matters. Why him? Why the rugby player who drives me mental and makes me laugh and kisses me like the world’s ending and he wants to take me with him?
‘You showed me yours first,’ I say simply. ‘Your scars. That night with the power cut.’
He nods and reaches for my hand, strong fingers lacing through mine on instinct. ‘We’re quite the pair, aren’t we?’
‘Disaster recognises disaster, Lennox.’
‘Speak for yourself, MacMickin. I’m a goddamn delight.’
I laugh, and his eyes crinkle at the corners, pleased with himself for teasing it out of me. I watch him with a sideways glance. Pink hair growing out at the roots, the newest scar is still red across his brow, stubble darkening his jaw. He’s undeniably hot. But he’s a lot more than that.
Finn didn’t run when I unravelled. He saw the ugliest, messiest version of me and his first instinct was to make sure I was safe. And my brain, the overthinking, list-making, control-freak part of me, goes completely still. A thought lands with the clarity of a church bell on a Sunday morning.
Finn is lovely.
In fact, he might be the loveliest man I’ve ever met.
I’ve been keeping him at arm’s length because vulnerability has always been linked with pain. But with him, it isn’t.
He reaches across me for another biscuit. His skin smells of the cherry soap I keep by the sink and something muskier. Heat hits the backs of my knees and climbs fast.
Control has been my currency since I was thirteen. I’ve been holding back out of habit, out of fear, out of a fierce need to stay upright in a world that keeps shaking under my feet without warning. But this man walks straight through every firewall I’ve ever built. And I don’t know if that scares the shit out of me or sets me free.
Maybe control isn’t what I need right now.
Maybe it’s Finn.
Yeah, it’s definitely Finn.
I set down my mug and bring our intertwined hands to my mouth, pressing my lips against his knuckles.
‘Thank you,’ I say, barely louder than the soft whir of the fridge.
His eyes darken as I kiss his hand again. Slowly, I drag the tip of my tongue across the galloping pulse in his wrist.
‘Fuck’s sake, Theo…’
His eyes flare as I let go of his hand to peel myself from the blanket. His gaze sweeps over me, taking in my hoodie and bare thighs. I see the battle in his eyes, the war between desire and restraint.
‘Theo, you’ve had a hell of a night. I’m not going to take advantage of your vulnerable state by?—’
I cut him off with a smile, and lean in until our noses almost touch. ‘Stop being so noble, Lennox. If anyone is taking advantage of my vulnerable state right now, it’s me.’
His brows shoot up, surprise and fire in his expression. ‘So I take it there were more pros than cons on your list?’
‘Oh, I didn’t even make one.’
This is revolutionary. I’ve made lists for everything from which university to attend to what brand of toilet paper to buy. But not for this. Not for him.
I place my hands on his shoulders, and his muscles are tense beneath my palms.
‘Last warning.’ His hands hover at my hips. ‘When we’re doing this, we’re fucking doing this. And not just once.’
