‘I’m not…’ The lump in my throat’s too big to swallow, but I try anyway. ‘There’s nothing to say. All good.’
‘That’s a load of shite.’ Brodie lets out a low, frustrated sound.
He draws his hand back and fists the duvet instead, like he’s fighting the urge to grab me and shake me until the truth comes out.
Loaded silence hangs between us.
Part of me wants to give in. To bury my face in his neck and let him hold me until this hot mess inside me stops burning.
But not when I know the cost of wanting this. Of wanting him.
It’s a disaster in the making.
I turn and pull myself up to sit against the pillows. Brodie watches me, eyes far too perceptive. He doesn’t close the gap. He’s waiting me out.
And I’m not sure what’s worse. That he’s giving me space or that I wish he wouldn’t.
What the fuck is wrong with me?
He scrubs a hand down his face, holding back from pushing too hard.
It hits a place I don’t let anyone touch.
I shove my hand through my hair, trying to comb out the tangles, but it’s useless. Everything in me is knotted up and backwards. I glance at him, and he’s still watching me. Reading me. Careful not to press too hard.
‘You gonna keep staring at me like that?’ I mutter, aiming for a smirk and missing miserably.
‘I’m trying to work out what’s going on in that pretty head of yours.’
I shrug and pull my knees to my chest, wrapping my arms around them. ‘Nothing. Brain’s still half asleep.’
He doesn’t buy it. Not for a second.
‘Last night was…’ I start, but the words dry up.
‘Aye,’ he says softly. ‘It was.’
A shiver rolls through me, and I lower my forehead to my knees, squeezing my eyes shut. ‘But we shouldn’t have done it.’
‘You regret it?’
I whip my head up, and the expression on his face cuts through me. ‘No. Fuck, no. That’s not… I mean it wasn’t…’ I’m struggling for words. ‘It wasn’t a smart call.’
A slow exhale. ‘Smart doesn’t come into it, Charlie. You know that.’
My mouth twists. ‘Doesn’t change that it was reckless as hell.’
‘Possibly. Doesn’t mean it wasn’t real. So, what’s the problem?’
I dig my fingers into my shins. ‘You know what the problem is. I have an agency to think about. You have a comeback to make. We can’t afford distractions. If this goes wrong… This was—’
‘Don’t even start.’
‘Brodie…’
‘No. I’m not playing that game where you call it just sex. You were mine last night. You can’t lie to me about that.’
My lungs seize. I can’t lie, but I can’t give him what he wants, either. I can’t let him know how close he is to breaking my resolve. Because if I admit it, it’ll unravel everything I’ve worked for. I’ve fought tooth and nail to get where I am. One mistake and it could all come crashing down.
