Thus, inevitably, did a woman’s curiosity lead.
He laughed. “The question assumes that marriage is a good idea, and a state to aspire to.”
“You do not think it is?”
“I suppose as a financial arrangement it has much to recommend it, with the right person. Since I am not such a person, it never came up with a woman who might be the right one in turn for me. The truth is I have never once thought about getting married.”
“Never? Not once? Even if it were hopeless, not even one thought in passing while you were with someone you loved?”
Her earnest tone charmed him. How to explain? She need only think about it from a different direction to understand. It meant leaving behind her old notions of how the world expects one to view such things.
“No, not once, Eva. As for love— Love is really desire, prettied up to justify physical needs. Some call it love, because calling it what it really is sounds too base, and because it promises longevity after desire inevitably fades.”
A flush rose from her neck to color her face. Not from embarrassment with the subject, as it would be with most women. Anger brightened her eyes. “You are very cynical.”
“I am honest, when so few people are about these things.”
“What about your mother and father? Was that mere desire?”
“It was most definitely desire, and little else. The duke hardly knew her when he struck that arrangement.”
“But he stayed, you said. He remained after it should have faded, by your telling.”
“He stayed because she became a friend, and a confidante, and the only person he trusted without question. He stayed because she made it very easy for him to stay. He also stayed to spite his duchess whom he came to loathe. If he loved my mother at the end, it was like any kind of familial love, not special and different the way the poetry and romances lead one to think.”
She rose and started clearing the table with abrupt, jerking motions. Plates clattered into the sink. “I think you are wrong.” She pushed the ham platter back on its shelf. “I think your experiences have badly affected your way of looking at these things.”
“My experience was better than most. I saw a better relationship between the duke and my mother than my brothers saw between him and their mother.”
“I am not talking about that experience.” She pulled up the pail. “If you get some water I will wash these plates.”
He stood and took the pail. He set it down. “What experiences do you refer to?”
She angled back, leaning against the sink. “I expect you have had many experiences that might badly affect you. That is all I meant.”
“You sounded like you spoke of particulars.”
With a display of annoyance, she picked up the pail and tried to pass. He did not allow it.
“I will only say this, since I would never insult my host after I sought sanctuary in his home. Your reputation has followed you to Langdon’s End. That is all.”
“What reputation is that?”
“It was said that you leave women so enthralled by pleasure that they lose all sense and will do anything to keep you nearby.” She blushed hotly, but also looked him right in the eyes.
“The gossip both flatters me and insults me,” he said. “I do not know whether to get angry or to preen like a plumed bird. There are not many men reputed to make a woman lose all sense due to pleasure, after all.”
“I do not know how you can make light of it. Reputations matter in this world.”
“Mine is wicked, that is true, but in the best of ways. I would rather be known for this than as someone who is cruel, or ruthless, or unprincipled.”
Her brow puckered. “Yes, I see what you mean. As character flaws go, yours involve the least of sins. Still, to indulge one’s mere desires without restraint—to lure others to do the same...”
“There is nothing mere about it sometimes. It can be a maddening force. An internal tempest. A compelling necessity.” He bent until his eyes were inches from hers. “But you already know that, Eva.” He touched her lips with his fingertips. “Don’t you?”
CHAPTER12
She should turn her head, so he could not touch her like this. Only that tiny caress on her lips almost mesmerized her, and his closeness created a horrible tease to her body. Not dangerous, however. Her bedazzlement felt wonderfully normal. Almost comforting, after the way the evening had begun. The remnants of the fear that sent her running down the road vanished as she enjoyed his attention and allure.
