“You have been thinking of the practicalities,” he said.
“One of us has to.”
“I am just happy that you have been thinking about it at all.”
She stopped walking and stepped to the side of the path, under the canopy of branches. “I said I would, and that I would tell you today what I concluded.”
He waited to hear it. Instead, she took his hand and raised it to her lips.
“There are things I want to talk about before we make this bargain. Things you need to know, and things I want to know.”
The mood between them had been light and joyful all night, but now a heavy seriousness quaked between them. She had guessed saying what she had just said would provoke no matter what came next, but she couldn’t avoid it.
“You never asked about my past,” she said. “It would be dishonest to allow you to take this step not knowing.” She peered up through the dark at his face. “I spent close to two years working in Mrs. Darling’s house. I think you know which one I mean.”
To her surprise, he eased her into an embrace. “I know that.”
“You do?”
“You took service there after you were thrown out by your lover’s family.”
She laid her head against his chest. He had known and had never asked. He would have gone forward, never asking, if she had lacked the courage to do the right thing. He still was not asking.
She could leave it at that. She could simply trust him to believe the best. She imagined the long years of marriage, with that open question standing silently between them.
“Don’t you wonder what I did there? It would be normal for you to be curious.”
“Why don’t you tell me, if you want to.”
She nodded. “I could find no respectable work. I had no reference. I was reduced to sleeping in doorways and begging for food. I had decided to try to make my way back home because at least there I might find work, but I had no money for the journey. On the streets, men would . . . I was offered money.” She paused a long while. “I considered it.”
“No one can blame you for that, in your situation.”
“That is good of you to say, but you don’t understand.” She stretched up and kissed him. “I did more than just consider.”
Did she only imagine that his embrace altered a little? Tightened? She could not see his face well.
“I made a most practical decision. A desperate one. Then I thought, if I’m going to do that, I may as well get a roof over my head for the doing. I went to the park and watched until I saw a group of women who looked to be whores of a better sort. They were playing together like children. That made me feel better somehow. I followed them when they left. They went to a house near Portman Square.”
He said nothing, but she sensed his concentration on her and her story.
“I presented myself to the owner, Mrs. Darling. She asked me some embarrassing questions. Then she told me I would not do.” She laughed at the memory, then sighed. “I was shocked. I never thought I would be turned down. All that thinking and anguish for nothing. I wanted to laugh at myself, and also cry. Goodness, to be turned down even forthat—”
“Did she say why?”
“She said that I was too inexperienced, and not of good character for the trade. ‘Barely willing won’t do,’ was how she put it. However, they needed a servant to serve as a chambermaid and to help with laundry. So I took that work, and lived there.”
“I’m glad Mrs. Darling recognized desperation when she saw it and offered you other employment. The owner of the next door you knocked on probably would not have turned you down. One look at your face and avarice would have won out over any decent sentiments.”
“For almost two years it was my home. I still have some friends there. I would be very discreet about them, if we—That is, if you still think you want to—”
“How did you meet the duke if you were a servant? I assume you met him while you were there.”
He didn’t sound suspicious. Only curious. “He was a patron on occasion. I ate with the women, and they spoke of him, and one of them pointed him out. He and I met when one of the women he favored became very ill. Marie, her name was. Mrs. Darling believed it was cholera, so she put her in a chamber and said no one was to go in there, only leave food by the door. I disobeyed her and took care of her and prayed I wouldn’t get sick too. I told Mrs. Darling she needed a physician, but none was sent for.”
“I am liking Mrs. Darling less now. Avarice won anyway. She did not want her house known as a place where there had been disease.”
“One night, while I was tending to Marie, the duke came in as if he didn’t worry about getting sick. Maybe dukes are special that way too.”
