“And if I refuse?” he repeated with irritation.
“I promise that you will agree.”
“Or what? Am I to marry at the point of a sword? Or the end of a pistol? Who will hold either? You?”
“There will be no shortage of volunteers. I may now lack the courage, but others will not. You may think I am beholden to you, and might take your chances with me, but you would be mistaken to do so with the men.”
She meant Tom and that other one, this Jason. The one who had not been here since the first day. Of the two, the young one would be the danger, not Tom.
“If you force this it will not hold. It will not be legal, Caroline. Contracts made under coercion are not legitimate.”
“There will be witnesses that say you were willing. You can go to the courts and claim you were forced, but it will be a very long time before you are heard and I don’t think any judge will believe you. I expect men say that all the time to get out of marriages.”
She began walking to the stall’s entry. He blocked her path. “Why might you lack the courage? You had more than enough four days ago.”
“Because you have helped me. I think of you as a friend. It was probably a mistake to allow that, but after yesterday—it would be difficult to shoot you now.”
“I should hope so.”
“Now, I should go. You still need to unsaddle your horse.”
“Not yet.” He did not move. “Caroline, do you want me to marry your sister? Truly? Because doing so would be—”
“Be what?”
“Unnatural. She is not the sister I want.”
Her expression fell. She looked away and visibly struggled with her composure. “She carries your child. You don’t get to choose.”
“Don’t I?” He lowered his head. “Don’t I, Caroline?”
“N-no.” Her voice broke on the word. She turned away.
He reached for her and turned her back. He lifted her chin so he could see her face beneath that broad brim of the man’s hat. He swept the hat away and looked into moist brown eyes that carried too much sadness. God help him—he bent and kissed her lips carefully. “She is not here yet, darling. At least let me kiss you while I can.”
“You should not.” She barely breathed the denial.
“No. But—” He brushed her lips with his again. She did not resist. She did not pull away. He kissed her again, fully. He took her in his arms.
Sweet kisses, touched by salty tears. She embraced him awkwardly and kissed him back, but he felt the sorrow in her, the awareness that this could never be. She believed that and it kept his impulses in check. He did not want her doing more than this, which she had agreed to with that kiss, even if he wanted much more.
The potential hopelessness of their passion affected the kisses and embraces and even the air around them. He made each kiss count because it might be one of a handful he would ever have. He lifted her closer so their bodies pressed together and he could feel her breasts and hips against him. He cajoled her mouth open so they might join more closely.
“You will not—” She breathed out the command that was half a question, too.
“No. I promise.”
She believed him although she had no real cause to. And yet perhaps here, these last days, he had been a man she could trust. He only knew he had not been the man who left London, nor the one expected at his cousin’s house. He kissed her like he was going to stay here forever, riding the hills with her, grooming Guinevere for her first race, watching the seasons change on that hill.
The images added a poignancy to the pleasure the closeness brought him because at the heart of them was the promise of an emotion he would probably never have, at least not with this woman. He realized with both amazement and certainty that he would not want it with anyone else.
He caressed her, down the wool of the coat and over the fabric of the pantaloons. She rose against him when he smoothed the roundness of her bottom with both hands, holding her close so he pressed against her. The sensation sent him careening into a drive for more. Despite his promise, he began calculating if one of the stalls had clean straw to serve as a bed.
The familiar ruthlessness of his hunger caught him up short. He had made a promise, and if ever he kept one now was the time. He gentled his kisses again, calming them both while he did so. Yet the last one begat another, and another yet, because he feared there would be no more, ever.
Somehow, with a final caress, he summoned the strength to step back and release her. She released him, too. They looked at each other briefly, deeply. Then he stood aside and she walked to the house.
* * *
