“Pryce, hush.”
And just like that, we walked out together.
When we arrivedat his place, I was hesitant to get out. The last time I was here, I left my heart behind. I sat in the driver’s seat in his driveway, staring at the front door. This was once my home away from home. But sitting here now made me sad. My hand went to my belly as I shifted in my seat.
Pryce noticed. “You aight?” he asked with his hand on the door handle.
I nodded even though I knew that I wasn’t. “Yeah. I’m fine,” I replied, but my body didn’t move. My eyes stayed planted on the door.
The last time I’d walked down this driveway, I convinced myself that leaving was the only way to survive loving Pryce, like the miles in distance would somehow heal me and make him realize the error in his ways. And now, here I was again, this time with something that would keep us tethered together for life.
“You don’t have to come inside if you’re not ready, Dai,” he said after a few seconds of silence. “We can sit right here until you are.”
I looked over at him with the bucket hat still low over his eyes. The response surprised me. The Pryce from six months ago would’ve told me to get out of the car and come inside. But this version of him gave me space to move on my time.
“I’m good,” I said finally, opening the door with my keys clenched in my hands.
The night air hit my face as I stepped out. It was quiet, the same way it always was on his block. All of Pryce’s neighbors were older and pretty much stayed to themselves. It worked for him since he wasn’t one for friendly exchanges with people he didn’t know anyway. He walked behind me as I moved to the front door.
Unlocking it, he stepped back just enough to let me walk in before him. The first thing I took note of was the smell. I could tell he’d been using the Febreze plug ins that I kept stocked underneath his kitchen sink.
“I gotta take a leak,” he said, walking around me and down the hall to the bathroom.
I didn’t move from where I stood near the door. The thing that had been sitting on my chest for too long waiting to comeout wouldn’t allow me to move. I couldn’t get comfortable. Minutes later, he came back out.
“You can…”
“You let me leave.” The words left my mouth before he could finish his sentence. Before I could pretend like that day six months ago didn’t still hurt.
His hat was off, so I could see his eyes now. He stood in front of me, frozen. Not in a way like he was trying to find the right words to say, just still so that I could fully express myself.
“I needed you to fight for me,” I continued, my voice shaking even though I tried my best to keep it steady. “I needed you to say something. Do something. Make me stay. Anything but let me just go.”
“I couldn’t fight for you without the risk of breaking you even more, Dai.”
“That’s a cop out, Pryce. An excuse that I refuse to accept.”
“Who said I was looking for acceptance?” he countered.
“You see? I’m outta here.” I turned to leave, and he grabbed me by my arm.
“Nah. You ain’t doing that shit again.”
“Why shouldn’t I? You over here doing the same shit that made me leave in the first place.”
“First of all, the stakes are higher now. You don’t get to leave just cause I say some shit you don’t like, Dai. You want a nigga to sugarcoat shit for you when you know that’s not the man you fell in love with.”
“No, Pryce. I want communication with the man I fell in love with that doesn’t just fall in the area of black and white. Sometimes, it’s grey. Don’t you get that?”
“I do.”
“I went through half my pregnancy alone,” I said. “Do you know what that felt like?”
“I do. Because I went through half of it without knowing my child existed.”
“Why did you wait ‘til now to reach out? Did you at least think about calling?”
“I thought about it. Thought about flying to Houston and making you come back too.”
