Chapter Four
Iworkedthe later shift that day, sharing only the part about my miscarriage with Tammy— that alone was depressing enough. When I got out late at night, I finally called my mother, though I continued avoiding the subject of the pregnancy. Nor did I share with her my suspicions about Greg. The last thing I wanted was to worry my mom needlessly when she was so concerned about my father’s high blood pressure.
“And then,” she said as she ranted about my dad, “All he talks about is what we will do when he retires this year. I’ve told him I want to keep working at the school still, but he insists on coming up with one ridiculous idea after another.” My mother has been teaching Spanish in the town high school for longer than I’ve been alive. I would think she’d want a change of pace from bratty teenagers, but she loves them, and they always seem to love her.
“What does he want to do now? Is it still moving to Costa Rica?” He’d suggested that, Panama, and some Caribbean island or other in the past few months.
“That’s always on the table, but now he wants to buy an RV and drive around the country. It sounds lovely, but I want to be able to come back to my house after a vacation, not stay in a big car!”
“Dad is so funny. Why don’t you get him involved in the local country club? What if he takes up golf?” I suggested. I foresaw that’s what Greg would do in his retirement.
“You know he doesn’t think golf is a real sport. Maybe you need to come down here, and he and Greg can go together. Then Greg can show him how fun it can be,” said my mother. She always found a way to insert a suggestion for me to go to my hometown, Harper Fields, no matter what the conversation.
“I’d love to mom, but our vacation time is being used for the Virgin Islands,” I said, wondering if this vacation would actually take place. “Remember I leave on Friday.”
“That will be such a beautiful trip. Tia Ana used to say it was her dream to go back there one day to those crystal clear beaches,” my mother said, referring to her late aunt who had traveled the world extensively on her cheating, rich husband’s dime. They stayed together until his death— him flaunting his women to the world, her flaunting his money in everyone else’s face. It was such a farce, yet I suppose she must have accepted it. She got to experience many exciting and faraway places. I wondered if I could do that— know with certainty that Greg was sleeping with other women (including my best friend) and stay married to him because it was more convenient than being alone and poor.
“Tia Ana could have gone back if she wanted to,” I said.
“True. Audrey, I want you to tell me if you think you’ll be able to come home at all this year. I wanted to throw a retirement party for your father in September if you think you can make it.”
“Sure, mom, that should be fine. Let me know what weekend works best for you, and I’ll tell Greg,” I lied. Greg wouldn’t be coming.
We hung up, and when I got home, Greg was already in bed asleep. He left me a note on the kitchen counter like he sometimes did. It said, “Going to sleep early. I had a rough day and have to be in early tomorrow. Leftovers in the fridge. I love you.” I wanted to throw up on it. In fact, I wanted to wake him up and yell insults at him. I didn’t need any proof from Gus. All the small things we’d found between Harvey and me were enough. This façade had to end, or I would go out of my mind. I tore the note up and threw it in the trash. Then I looked up to see the pictures on the wall I had painstakingly chosen the loveliest frames for. Each picture showcased us, whether it was with our families or us alone— at a bed-and-breakfast a few hours away, on our honeymoon skiing in Vermont, on our wedding day.
I stared at that picture of our wedding, and the whole day played before my eyes like a movie. It was such a glorious day, everything perfect to a fault. The weather cooperated after there had been threats of a tropical storm, but it veered to the west just in time. The bridesmaids, including Natalie, all looked beautiful in their dresses and were such a joy to me. I smiled the entire night because I couldn’t help it. I was so wonderfully happy to be marrying my best friend surrounded by my family and friends. It was incredible how many people took the time to come to our celebration and danced the night away with us. Greg and I took center stage most of the evening as our friends danced around us. I don’t think I’d ever felt more loved. When we said our vows Greg choked up, and I’ll never forget how that made me cry all throughout my own vows. I’d never seen the video of our wedding again. I’d have to search for that someday. Someday… if we didn’t get divorced.
The harsh reality blindsided me, as it always did if I didn’t think about it for a while. It was like a bucket of cold water hitting my face every time I remembered. I needed to decide what I would do so I could be prepared for what I might hear from the PI. But for now, I wanted to forget again, about Greg, even about myself. I found my favorite sitcom on Netflix, settling in for a binge session since I had the afternoon shift again the next day.
The next twodays were spent without Greg.I better get used to this, I thought. My mind shifted from divorce to forgiveness every five minutes. I was unsure of what to do with the information once it was laid out in front of me. I wanted to think that I could give Greg a sassy speech, and he would feel ashamed for the rest of his life, but I was afraid that I would be overly emotional and hurt. It was exhausting not knowing which way to act once I learned the truth. When I sat down to eat dinner alone on Wednesday night in front of the TV, I came to a conclusion. I would not teeter on the edge of indecision anymore. I knew what I would do.
The next morning I woke up still in agreement with what I had decided upon the night before. I could move forward now that I had a plan. Living in uncertainty was way more draining than anything else, like living in limbo. Once I was presented with the proof, I would adhere to my course of action because it would ultimately make me happy.
The PI was on the same flight back as Natalie and Greg. He was to meet Harvey and me again at the same restaurant Thursday in the early afternoon. The plane landed at 10 AM, but I told Greg I couldn’t meet him at the airport because of work. It was important I didn’t see him again until I saw the PI. I had arranged it so I could start my vacation from work one day earlier.
I was at the restaurant first, taking off my sunglasses and picking the first booth by the door when Gus and Harvey walked in. We said hello to be polite, but we all knew what we were there for, and there was no reason to delay. Harvey was staring at the manila envelope in Gus’s hand, and I was too. We sat down, and I waited for Gus to drop the bomb.
“I’ve been on two plane rides with them both. I’ve seen them at the hotel, at dinner, at the business meeting, at the airport. All hours of the day I kept watch, I took pictures…” he said as he pulled out several photographs of Greg and Natalie at dinner, at their meeting, at the hotel lobby. The pictures showed my husband and my best friend as they always looked. “… And I saw nothing to suggest either of them was having an affair, not with each other, not with anyone else either,” he concluded. It was quick, and it was over. And I did not understand.
“Wait, nothing at all? No sneaking into each other’s rooms?” Harvey asked, sounding more mad than relieved. I was in shock.
“I planted a camera in the hallway which had a view of both doors to their rooms. Not once did they go into each other’s rooms. I saw no evidence of anything physical, not even so much as a hug as they left the airport to go home, her in her car and him in a cab.”
“We live on the same block. Why wouldn’t they go home together?” I asked, trying to make sense of everything.
Harvey scratched his chin and said, “Natalie was going to the office from the airport.”
“If you need anything else from me you have my number,” Gus said, leaving us with the photographs.
I looked up at Harvey and shook my head, “What about the money clip? Greg’s blowjob comment? The late nights? Natalie’s face when I told her that Greg and I were going to try to have a baby?”
“I was the most convinced they were having an affair, but we have to accept that they were all strange coincidences. Shit.” He paused. “You and Greg are going to try now?”
“I suppose,” I said, more like a question than a statement.
“Natalie and I tried for a year and we couldn’t,” he said, looking down at his coffee.
“Wait, what?” I asked, wondering if we had just made up our own little drama in which our spouses were fucking each other. Had we? It was like a Shakespearean drama. “If you guys were having trouble conceiving, then that would make sense out of the look she gave me when I said Greg and I were going to give it a shot. It also makes sense she’d want to stop having sex for awhile if it had become something of a chore, or if it was disappointing when it didn’t end up getting her pregnant,” I said, my voice getting a little louder.
