Chapter One
Irecognizedit as one of those moments in life when all possibilities exist— when you are so aware of everything around you and take joy in being alive. That’s how I felt when I found out I was pregnant. Elation is such an underwhelming word to describe what was going on inside me. It’s as if I had discovered the secret of my existence was to have that very experience.
I was so scared to tell my husband of three years. We’d had a serious conversation when we were newly engaged, and we had decided we would travel and kick-start our careers (well, his) the first five years of marriage. Andthenconsider babies. It was two years too soon, and a couple of months ago we finally planned our first real vacation. We would be leaving next week to the U.S. Virgin Islands (St. Thomas to be exact).
Since the pregnancy test I bought during my lunch break on Tammy’s suggestion was not convincing enough, I called my boss to let him know I’d be taking the rest of the day off. I promptly purchased three other brands of home pregnancy tests. After drinking three cups of water and tea, the pee tests all indicated the same thing. I was expecting.
Greg wouldn’t be home for several hours still, and I spent them all researching early pregnancy symptoms, comparing mine with what Google revealed. I was already checking off a few of them— nausea, fatigue, and cramping. I avoided the later pregnancy stuff because I didn’t want to freak myself out even more at the moment. Somehow I ended up on YouTube, watching wives surprise their husbands, or daughters surprise their parents, with the news of a pregnancy. I cried with a few of them, but mostly I laughed at the expressions of shock from these family members who were so happy to receive the news.
Would Greg be the cheering husband? The one that was silent but almost had tears in his eyes? As for our parents, I hoped they would all be jumping up and down. I’m sure Greg’s usually quiet parents would be extremely happy, if not as loud about it as my Cuban mother— and my dad always went along with her antics.
Then I had my moment. I was so certain of wanting to have this baby, of being a mother to the seed I couldn’t even feel growing inside of me. It was a little too much, this overwhelming desire to meet the person who was not there yet but would be all mine to mold and teach and be responsible for.
I was determined not to get fancy with surprising Greg about the baby and tell him as soon as he came in by showing him the four pregnancy tests. It was four o’clock in the afternoon, and I cleaned up around the house, since Greg had mentioned that morning that he liked it better back when I didn’t work and our home was always clean. A few months ago, I started working again after being a stay-at-home wife for the past couple of years, and it was taking us some time to get adjusted to the chores and such. With Greg logging more hours than I did, and his role being much more stressful than my customer service call center position, I tried to keep up with the housework. This new job was merely something to make me feel useful instead of just sitting on the couch all day and watching soap operas after the cleaning was finished, but I had grown to enjoy my coworkers’ company and the extra paycheck that I used to save up for our upcoming St. Thomas trip.
Around 5:30 I received a text from Greg:Hey babe, I have to work late. Have dinner without me. See you later.
I was annoyed at having to postpone my news, but I was glad I didn’t have to cook dinner, which I’d forgotten about. That would have been something else for Greg to nitpick at. We were going to have a serious talk about that, actually, because I was getting tired of him finding any little detail to complain about. It had to stop. But that conversation would have to wait.
My phone rang, and I thought about ignoring whoever was calling, especially if it was my mother. I wouldn’t be able to hold myself back from telling her my news. When I saw the name on my cell, though, curiosity got the better of me, and I answered.
“Hey, Harvey,” I said.
“Hi, Audrey. How are you doing?”
A little pregnant. “Fine. How are you? Is Nat OK?” Harvey is my friend Natalie’s husband.
“Yeah, she’s good I guess. She’s still at work, I think.”
“Yes. Greg just texted me a while ago. He has to work late, so I guess Natalie would too,” I said, opening cupboards to scrounge for my dinner. Natalie is my best friend from High School, and about a year ago she helped Greg get hired at her company where she is Vice President of Sales. It’s a nice salary and Greg’s dream job, so we moved from several states away and into a much larger house than I ever imagined we could afford in the same neighborhood as Natalie and Harvey.
Harvey was quiet on his end of the line, so I asked, “Is something wrong?” I didn’t think he had called to chat since we only talked or hung out when I was also hanging out with Natalie.
“Do you think it’s weird that Natalie is working late so often?” he asks, after several more moments of silence.
“No, she has a job with long hours, and so does Greg. And she’s in a higher position than him so she must have even more on her plate, I would think. What are you worried about?”
“Nothing, I guess, if Greg’s also working late. Listen, don’t tell her I called you to check up on her, OK? Or Greg.”
“I don’t like keeping secrets from my husband, Harvey, and I really believe you should talk to Nat if you’re worried about something.” I put my hand on my waist.
“Look, things haven’t been too great lately, and I will talk to her, but can you please promise me you won’t say a word about this? I’ve never asked you for anything.”
“Goodness,” I said, “I’ve never heard you so serious.” It’s true, Harvey is generally an all-around lighthearted guy. It was unnerving to hear him this way, but I was sure he was being paranoid for no reason. Natalie had not mentioned anything to me that should make him sound this concerned, but I promised him I wouldn’t discuss this with anyone, and we hung up. Besides, I had other things to talk to Greg about.
Eight-thirty rolled around and he still wasn’t home. I texted him, but there was no answer until 9:30 when the front door opened, and Greg walked in with the largest bouquet he’d ever given me. Did he hear about the baby somehow? Impossible. Only Tammy from work suspected, and she had never even met Greg.
“Sorry I had to work late again,” he said, reaching down to me on the sofa to give me a kiss. I grabbed the flowers, all red roses, and tried to get a whiff, but these were duds on that front. They were lovely, nonetheless.
“Beautiful,” I said. “Very thoughtful of you. Did you eat something at the office?”
“I didn’t have time to tell you, the whole evening took a turn for the better after we lost a big account. I got tipped off to a new client and jumped right on it. We arranged a meeting with a catered dinner. They were so eager to sign that they made my job easy.”
“Nice! Congrats, babe!” I said, this time standing up to kiss him. I braced myself to give him the baby news.
“And,” he started, interrupting my chance at the big announcement, “I have to wake up early to get all the paperwork taken care of since I didn’t want to stay later tonight. I’m exhausted.” He undid his tie as he yawned, walking into the bedroom.
Disappointed, I followed him, debating whether it was a good moment to tell him, especially if he was so tired. I was hoping for some excitement from him. Maybe a little jumping up and down and squealing? Sounded like what I wanted to do. By then he was already in the shower with the door closed. I gave a loud sigh and got myself ready for bed, too.
