I looked up at him, and within seconds, I was lost in the blue pools of his eyes.
“Canyouforgiveme?” My voice came out a wailing mess.
“There’s nothing to forgive, my love,” he said, his own voice rough with emotion.
My heart shattered at his calling mehis love.
I shook my head. “But Andrea betrayed you, and then I went out with you under false pretenses too.”
“Didn’t I do the same? And Andrea? She messed me up long enough to interfere with how I reacted when you confessed in Brightwater. But not anymore. She’s in the past now and will remain in the past. A bad chapter in the book of my love life. But I want you to be the climax—the ending. I chooseyouevery time.” He moved the hair from my face to behind my ear.
“Are you sure you won’t resent the way we came together?” I asked.
“Willyou?”
“No, Colin, I won’t. Can we start over like you said?” I had both hands on his chest now, my fingers almost gripping his shirt and the muscles beneath. It seemed unreal that I was there, back in Chicago with him, so close and on the brink of getting closer. “I forgive you if you need my forgiveness.”
“I do,” he said, his face darkening. “I can’t forgive myself for the way I left you the morning after Blake almost attacked you. Or that I’d left you alone for it to happen at all. It’s no excuse, but I was hurt and angry. I felt betrayed and was scared of how strong my feelings for you were. And I thought I was protecting myself.” His voice thickened. “I should have been protectingyou.”
It finally occurred to me that his restraint since Brightwater hadn’t been the absence of feeling. It was the cost of having it. I’d mistaken his control for distance, and that was wrong. Colin hadn’t been pulling away from me. He’d been holding himself together.
“It wasn’t your fault. You didn’t know,” I said. Nonetheless, the truth pushed out of me. “But it allreallysucked, and I’m not sure I’m over it completely.”
He stilled instantly, his chiseled jaw the picture of restraint. “Say the word and I’ll step back. I swear to you, Kate. I won’t touch you unless you want me to.”
Right at that moment, himnottouching me wasn’t even a choice. It was anecessity. A given.
“I want you to,” I whispered.
We looked at each other, studying each other’s faces.
I bit my lip.
He exhaled sharply and lowered his head. My eyes closed as I waited for his lips to touch mine.
The kiss was a magnificent dance of physicality, synergy, and redemption. It was a promise of everything he’d said, of all that we were destined to be. I gave myself entirely in that kiss, and when I found myself pinned against the wall, he lifted his face away from me long enough for me to see a big smile.
“Do you think we can really do this?” I asked, catching my breath. “We’re so different. Our families are so different. You’re rich!”
We said we’d be honest. I was aware that it was a huge contrast to the sensual moment we were in the middle of. My heart was still racing, and every fiber of my being wanted to join his. But I also couldn’t stop my brain from over-analyzing every obstacle that might come up.
He laughed, reached down for my hand, and led me to the bed where we sat together, my hand held in both of his like a prized possession.
“Wecando this, and we will,” he said gently.
“You said something earlier… A certain four-letter word that I might have misheard,” I said, putting my other hand on his so that all our hands were tangled and there was no escape for either of us. The fear was back, looming over me, calling me to run.
“I did, and I want to tell you again and again. I love you, Kate. I love you. I love you.”
I exhaled slowly.
His eyes were gently pleading. He wanted me to say it back, and I wanted to respond.
“Colin, it’s been so hard for me to trust. I’m not talking about the reason you first asked me out?—”
“Let me be clear about something,” he interrupted me. “I brought you to Chicago to investigate you. Our dinner there had me doubting my suspicions, and after our first date, I knew you couldn’t be a criminal. I asked you out a second time because I longed to be in your presence. I told myself that our first date was part of the investigation, but I was done for as soon as you opened the door to your house. You intrigued me. Ineededto know you better. Honestly, if you’d been the spy, I might have let you get away with it.”
I smiled and put my hand up to his face, touching the stubble on his chin. “I knew there was a chance you had something to dowith Maggie’s disappearance, and still I was drawn to you. But this now is a hundred times scarier.”
