Chapter 34
We letthe moment simmer and settle, remaining in silence for a while after Tiernan reveals his memories of Maura and of his torture. When he’s ready, we stand among the bushes near the river and he says, “Try to replicate what you did to Ava.” He walks backward several paces from me and stands there almost as if in surrender. My stomach quivers—I don’t want to repeat what I did to Ava. Not with anyone, but especially not with Tiernan. “It’s alright,” Tiernan says.
I nod and take a deep breath, getting into a stance with my feet shoulder width apart and my hands at the ready. I extend my arms toward Tiernan, and shadows snake up his body. They hold him in place as I try to force myself into his memories. His mental shield is as solid as a fortified wall, and as much as I push, I can’t seem to get through it.
I grunt in frustration. “I can’t do it.”
“Yes, you can,” he says.
Stepping back, I release the darkness and shake my hands out. I inhale slowly and hold my breath before exhaling as Tiernan waits with the utmost patience. Finally, I lift my hands, sending ribbons of dark vapor toward Tiernan, envisioningmyself breaking through a wall. The tiniest crack appears in the fortification of his mind.
Yes!
Quickly, I grab whatever I can—an opposing soldier slicing him through a weak spot in his armor. War? I don’t dwell on the specifics. I tug on the memory, forcing the pain on him. As soon as he winces, however, my hold on him fails.
I run toward him. “Tiernan! I’m so sorry!”
He grimaces, a hand on his upper arm. “Durvla, don’t be. That was great.” He shakes out his arms. “Do you have it in you to try again?”
“I don’t want to hurt you.”
“It’s not permanent. I’ll be fine.” He steps away from me, preparing for an attack.
I sigh and step back as well. This time as soon as my shadows have a hold on him, rather than search his mind for a memory, I draw from my own. The last vertigo episode I had months ago in Moicriach. It isn’t hard for me to remember the piercing headache, the nausea, the dizziness—I gather it all and shove it through the barrier of Tiernan’s mind.
He drops to his knees, the heels of his hands pressed to his temples. I release my hold. Weakness courses through me. I stagger back, pressing my hands against the trunk of a tree and forcing my uneven breaths to stabilize.
Tiernan sits back on his ankles. His face is a little green, and he swallows hard as he wraps an arm around his stomach. It takes him a moment before he pushes to stand, and even then, he sways on his feet. He blinks a few times before approaching me. “Bloody hells, woman.” His shaky hands rest on my shoulders. “You. Are. Brilliant.” Then concern flickers in his eyes, coexisting with pride. “Are you alright?”
“I don’t like doing that. Ihateinflicting pain.”
“That’s what differentiates you from other Basduunai.” He smiles. “You only need to use this when absolutely necessary. And now you know that youcan?—”
A firm tug comes from within me. A longing to be elsewhere. Light brown hair and a beautiful face twisted by pain floods my mind. As usual, she’s standing in the middle of a forest, staring at an enormous tree. There’s an ethereal mist around her and a winding river through the trees. I see it as if I’m hovering in the air, staring down at the land. The vision disappears and I sway on my feet as I recall the map that we’ve stared at so often.
It feels like the air has been knocked out of me.Winnie. Oh my gods … “Oh my gods!” I shout.
“Durvla, what is it?” Tiernan’s eyes are wide with concern.
My hand moves to my pocket, the moonstone suddenly heavy against my thigh. It’s been in my pack for most of the journey, but I wanted to meditate with it after training with Tiernan. The last time I’d kept this stone near me, I’d also felt this strangetugging, I’d seen the tree, I’d seen Winnie. My mouth falls open.Oh no …
“I have a theory that no one will like,”I gesture.
“What is it?”
“It’s about Siad Nahar. I don’t think we can get in on our own. Remember how Carys mentioned that it only welcomes certain people? I think it also calls to them … and I know someone it calls to. That woman I dreamt of back in the Verge? Winnie? I think I need to daywalk to her to get answers. And—” I pull the moonstone from my pocket, still wrapped in the kerchief. “I have a theory about this … I may be grasping at straws but … Will you stay with me while I try to daywalk to her?”
“Of course!” Tiernan signs.
I sit down, crossing my legs, and he sits in front of me. I remove the stone from the handkerchief and clasp it betweenmy hands. My eyes lift from the stone to Tiernan’s face, and he gestures, “Go on. I’ll be right here.”
I close my eyes and count each inhalation and exhalation until my pulse slows and my surroundings fade. I think of Winnie and, very slowly, her presence filters into my mind.
The feel of her fragmented aura crawls against my skin, but I hold on to the recurrent image of the forest.
She isn’t there, but I call to her. “Winnie?”
Slowly, she materializes, confusion painted on her face. Her light brown hair is swept up into a messy bun with wavy strands falling over her forehead. Paint smears her dark skin across her neck and cheek. She glances down at her hand where she still clutches her paintbrush, her bewilderment tangible. “Realms, I don’t think I’ll ever get used to this.”
