I nod, and the flush in my cheeks disappears, replaced with cold guilt. “Just couplings. It never meant anything.” My lungs deflate as the words send a surprising pang through me.
“Yet you weep for him.”
Confused, I touch my fingers to my cheek, and they come away wet. I scrub my hands down my face.
“It’s alright,” Odgar says, resting his hand over mine after I wipe away another tear. I tug my hand back, but he continues speaking as if I hadn’t recoiled from him. “Sometimes it takes a loss for us to realize how much something, or someone, truly means to us.”
“You say that as though you’ve experienced such a thing.” I abhor the strain in my voice.
“Losing my father,” he says. “But I had Valdis to share the grief with. I could be your listening ear.”
I squeeze my legs against my chest again as I rest my chin atop my knees. My burdens are too much to put onto another person. I opened up to Alys, Tiernan, Durvla, and even Callum … Where did that get me? Where did it getthem? I deserve to carry my burdens on my own.
Chapter 14
I wakeup to the lasting image of icicles dripping steadily onto cracked earth and the feeling of impending doom. By sheer luck, I manage to untangle myself from the sheets and slip out of bed without waking either Tiernan or Taig.
Except … Tiernan is nowhere to be seen. The first rays of sunlight creep through the small space between the burgundy drapes over the windows. Shivers rack my sweat-slicked body, cold chattering my teeth as though I’m standing out in the snow in my nightgown. I close my eyes and summon shielding runes around the bed to keep Taig from falling out before heading to the bathing chamber.
It takes ages in the tub of hot water before my body finally feels warm again, and my racing heart slows down.
When I return to the bedroom, a towel wrapped around my body, Tiernan is there, sitting on the armchair beside the bed.
The quick sweep of his gaze over my form is not lost on me, but concern dominates his expression as he gets to his feet. “That dream again?” he signs.
I nod. This particular one has been bothering me since my arrival at the Verge. I want to reciprocate his question and ask whether he’s hadhisrecurring dream. He doesn’t think I’venoticed, but he’s barely gotten any sleep lately. Several times a week, he’s startled out of his slumber, which then wakes me when the bed jostles.
He averts his eyes while I change into a comfortable dress with three-quarter sleeves that leave my branding scar visible. For a moment, I consider swapping the dress for one with longer sleeves like I always do, or throwing a sweater over it.
I know it’s a part of me; I know I should consider it a reminder of havingescapedParamount, but the sight of it always triggers a sinking feeling in my gut. Which then triggers more worries about Carys and the overall state of the entire kingdom.
I turn, half expecting Tiernan to be looking at me, but he’s staring down at the floor, seemingly lost in thought.
“Are you alright?” I reach awkwardly over my shoulder to button the back of my dress.
Tiernan turns to me, an odd coldness in his eyes. “Of course.” His signed words are curt, leaving no room for more questions. Yet the cold detachment vanishes from his face as he stands and walks toward me. “Here, let me help.”
I turn away from him, and the brush of his fingers through the fabric of my dress sends the tiniest jolt through me. I close my eyes and inhale, catching a whiff of the citrusy scent of his soap. When he finishes buttoning my dress, he gently turns me toward him.
“Thank you,” I say with a smile.
He smirks and shrugs a shoulder.
The moment I draw in a breath to say something, I’m hit with an aerial image of foliage withering and dying as though ink has spilled across the land. Of ice spiderwebbing over the ruin, and trees beginning to crumble, thick trunks splitting as the earth cracks beneath them. Pain lances through my head, and with a sharp inhale, I grab on to Tiernan.
For a moment, it feels as though I’m in a freefall. I fear I’m about to slip into a dreamscape, but I ground myself in the moment. I focus on the scent of Tiernan’s soap, on his strong arms squeezing around me. Fear reverberates within me along with confusion and worry. I cling to the emotions, and Tiernan’s arms tighten around me even more.
We’re propelled into a dark chamber, Tiernan sitting in that chair with the horrible figure looming over him. This time, however, when he glances up at me, his face bloodied, torment in his eyes, the figure in front of him disappears, and the image of the blighted, frozen land spreads around us. Cold terror pierces me.
“Durvla—” comes Tiernan’s voice.
Everything crumbles around us, and I find myself falling again. I shut my eyes as my body becomes weighty once more. My awareness of a solid surface beneath me grows.
“Durvla!”
My head hammers, but my eyes fly wide open. I force a breath down as my stomach threatens to release my supper from last night. Saliva gathers in my mouth, bitterness creeping up my throat while my surroundings rematerialize.
Strong hands grip my shoulders, turning me toward a face etched with bewilderment. I stare into Tiernan’s dark eyes, fear, confusion, and worry radiating off him so strongly that I shudder. He releases his grip on me, and the feelings disappear. I suck in another breath and scoot away from him, my hands against the cool floor.
