I find myself smiling faintly. “Thank you, Valdis.”
She waves her hand dismissively. “Let’s go show off your new look.”
As we enter the main chamber, Odgar rises from the table where he was in conversation with Briony—and Seth, who must have joined while I was gone. Odgar approaches me with long strides, his face exuberant. “You look …” His gaze moves to my hair, and I clench my fists, resisting the urge to press my hand to the nearly bald side. “Stunning,” he says at last. “Formidable.”
A scoff leaves my lips so quickly that I don’t have time to bite it back.
Valdis bursts into laughter. “Brother, I think your complimenting skills need a bit of work.” She pats him on the shoulder as she walks past, and he bats her hand away while those sunburst eyes take me in.
“Ready to go hunting?” he asks.
I nod, and his smile only grows wider.
The bow is much different from mine back in Erleya. The span is shorter and has no definitive handhold, but it’s lighter and of a simpler design than my lucky bow back home. Odgar set up a shooting range of sorts, little patches of cloth mounted to different trees. It’s perfect, considerate, sweet, above and beyond. We take turns shooting the targets for a while—Odgar has certainly improved—then set off on our hunt.
Odgar shows me how to track animal footprints and scat through the woods, until we come across a deer. There are so many fairytales about Otherworlders who appear as a doe or a stag to guide lost souls. It makes me a little hesitant to shoot thecreature, but I eventually take it down with a single arrow and try not to focus on the mild guilt that settles over me.
“Well done, huntress,” Odgar says with a smile.
Huntress… I kind of like that.
My head feels clearer than it has in ages as we make our way back toward the village. The cool air has forced sobriety back into my body. Twigs snap and grasses rustle as we walk in quietude. The chatter of a creature followed by scurrying comes from the trees above.
A stream of memories gradually resurfaces as we walk. Odgar tucking me into bed after I had too much ale, holding my hair back when my stomach rejected the excess drink. I vaguely recall a few moments when he gently encouraged me to eat, to bathe, to get dressed—tolive. A strange blend of shame and gratitude bleeds into my awareness.
“Do you haveanyfondness for me?” Odgar abruptly asks.
Startled, my head snaps to his towering figure. When we danced at the Feast, and even after, there were definite sparks. Now, however, everything feels frozen in place—a lake in winter.
“You’re a lovely man, Odgar,” I breathe out.
He halts, his jaw working as though he’s fighting to control what tries to come out of his mouth. “Being alovely mandoes not automatically earn your love.”
I wince. “Love is a strong word.”
He heaves a sigh, the leather across his chest straining. “It is,” he says eventually. “Maybe too much to ask of you, but do youlikeme?”
“Of course I like you.”
He nods toward the path out of the forest, and we continue walking. “Before I win your heart, I hope I can earn your trust.”
I bite the inside of my cheek, unsure of what to say.
He smiles down at me. “Just so you know, I will not stop until I earn one or the other.”
“And how are you so certain you’re going to earn one or the other?”
“Oh, I will.” His smile shifts into a little smirk.
I roll my eyes, but it’s hard to be annoyed with a man who has been nothing but patient with me.
Too many nightmares haunt me, but each time, I force myself awake to keep Durvla from wandering into my subconscious. I’m not ready for her to see me this way. Tonight, sleep evades me completely, and I find myself stumbling beyond the tapestry and into the main room of the Great Hall. I ignite a small flame in the palm of my hand and pray to Agryna that I don’t burn the entire building down.
I cannot stop the tremor in my hands nor the pang of my thunderous heart. Every time I close my eyes, I see Callum’s throat split right in front of me, I hear his last words—I will love you even in death. I didn’t deserve his love. I don’t deserve anyone’s love.
Even as I make my way across the room to a keg of ale, I can see the life fading from Ellynne’s olive green eyes as she bleeds out.
I want to unsee it all. I want it to be me instead.
