I blink. That was not what I was expecting. “It’s alright.”
“It’s not alright. It was unfair of me. As you know by now, there are a lot of powers at play, and to know that there was a Dreamwalker in our midst—it is an incredibly strong gift. But that doesn’t excuse me for trying to take away your choice.”
I nod. “It’s fine.”
“You … are so sweet.” My brows furrow as she chuckles and adds, “Just don’t let people walk all over you. Especially when you can give them nightmares.” She winks before grinning at me in a way that makes it impossible for me to keep from giggling.
“I’ve not fully figured out the extent of my dreamwalking.”
“It takes time. When my mind whispering manifested, I couldn’t turn off anyone’s thoughts. It was torture constantly hearing what everyone was thinking. Tiernan is a little different—he couldn’t turn off the emotions he felt from others. I made sure he learned from a young age how to shield his mind. And clearly … you’ve also learned that very well.”
“I’ve gotten a lot of chances to practice.”
She smiles, but it slowly fades away. She picks at her cuticles for a moment before sadness fills her angular eyes. “My son has always been one to follow rules. It’s ironic, being the sonof rebels. Yet he never took much of an interest in joining the rebellion in any aspect. Elviera—Alys—told me he’d been speaking with her about it every now and then. But more as a way of keeping in touch with what was happening on the outside rather than joining. I don’t think he ever intended to leave Paramount. I’m certain he would’ve remained there for his lifetime and gladly died for the Crown. Then he met you.”
My heart skips a beat. I’m not sure how to feel about that.
“He cares for you in a way I never thought possible. And I have to thank you for that.”
My throat swells with tears. “It’s because of me that he’s been captured.”
“No.” Haruka shakes her head. “He made that decision. You didn’t hold a knife to his throat. Your guilt is misplaced.”
I swallow around the rock in my throat and take a few steadying breaths. He broke rules for me. For the first time in his life. It hits me that I would gladly break every rule for him. I cannot let his sacrifices be in vain. I cannot go to Siad Nahar without him. He’s as much a part of this journey as I am. As much a part of the journey as Winnie, who thinks she isn’t.
Breaking the rules is terrifying, but I’m beginning to learn that sometimes it has to be done. Even if it seems wrong or too risky.
Was that how Osheen felt when he lied to me and putTaig’slife at risk?He was trying to protect his family.
But he should’ve told me the truth.
At least this time it seems he’s been honest about everything. He’s given us valuable information about the Purists—their plans, the Cleanse, their vanishing rings … Wait! Theirvanishing rings!
I forget to breathe for a few heartbeats as my thoughts trip over themselves repeatedly.
Haruka’s presence weighs heavily in my mind before I remember to pull my shields up from the emotion wearing on it.
When I focus on Haruka’s face again, there’s a knowing smile on her lips. “You have an idea,” she says.
Nausea roils in my stomach. “It’s not a good one.”
Haruka smiles. “Sometimes a bad idea is just what you need to get the job done. I would love to hear it.”
Chapter 53
“No. Fucking. Way!”Ava exclaims, lurching to her feet from where she’d been sitting on the couch in the Kilkenny household’s sitting room. “Absolutely not.”
Sloan looks unperturbed, as always. Isobel, Chiyo, and Osheen are wide-eyed. Alys’s face is fixed, her full lips pursed as if she’s trying to restrain herself. She’s the very opposite of Ava, who stands in front of me with her fists on her hips. Haruka is unsurprised, having already heard my idea earlier.
Ava looks around. “No one else has anything to say about this?”
Alys scoots to the edge of the chair, her ankles crossed beneath one of her flowy multicolored skirts and not the trousers she’s been traveling in. “I’m with Ava,” she says. “It’s too dangerous.”
“It’s dangerous simply existing,” I say. “Last time we were here, remember how that ended? We’re in dangereverywhere.”
Ava pulls one of her freshly twisted plaits through her fists over and over—as if she just needs something to do with her hands. “Jumping right into the castle is foolish, regardless. You’ll be killed on sight.”
I straighten my back, putting my brave face on. “I’m a Basduun.” The smile that twitches on my lips feels forced and unnatural—I don’t doubt it looks that way too. “I’m of value to the Zenith for whatever reason.”
