Chapter Three
Spider took a deepbreath and let it out in a rush.He’d been trying to convince everyone that he didn’t need anyone to stay with him all the time.He was more than capable of spending the nights without one of his brothers or even one of the prospects in the room with him.It had been a couple of days since he’d woken up, and he was grateful for a chance to be on his own.To not have someone watching his every move, his every breath, to see every expression that crossed his face.Especially now that he’d gotten that fucking collar off and could turn his head and see what was around him again.
He knew that they were doing their best to be there for him, to help him cope.But he wasn’t used to having people around all the time.He had been needing some time to himself, and telling Fletch that had been the only thing to get them to clear out, at least for a few hours.When they came back in the morning, he would need to request a prospect to have around, or at least on call for him, because the food there was only tolerable.With a prospect on call, he could order whatever he wanted.He needed to fuel his body in order to heal and get out of there, and he wanted out of there.
As he sat in bed, staring at the dark window several feet away he wondered what it would take to get out of this room.To see something other than these four walls for a change.He didn’t know how they would manage it, since he wasn’t allowed to put any weight on the one leg he still had but he knew they would have a way and he would start on that tomorrow.
It wasn’t that he was no longer in pain.His ribs hurt like a son of a bitch with every breath, but he could take some pain.It wasn’t the first time he hurt, and he was sure it wouldn’t be the last.He hit the button on the bed to raise the head.When he was as upright as the bed would get him, he used his hands on the side rails to shift himself so he could sit a little more upright, then shoved the blanket down past his knees—no.Knee.He only had one now, he reminded himself as he looked down at what was left of his left leg.It was something he would need to get used to, so he might as well start now.
He would also need to get into the gym soon.He would need the strength in his arms more than ever before, and he was already more than a week out of the gym.He knew from experience that the longer he stayed away, the harder it would be to get back to where he’d been.Not that he was some gym rat who spent all his time focused on being a wall of muscles.He had a few brothers who went for bulk.They wanted the big showy muscles.And for Shotgun and his enforcers, that worked—it scared some off to be confronted by a man whose shoulders were nearly as wide as he was tall.But Spider had never felt that drive.Instead, he usually spent enough time in the gym that he could do what he needed to do, whether it was wrestling a fallen bike upright, toss someone over his shoulder, even one of his brothers, and get the hell out of Dodge, or whatever came up.
Spider leaned to one side and picked up the small notepad he’d asked Fletch for earlier in the day, ignoring the sharp jab of pain that shot through his ribs.He needed to make some notes, and since no one had found his phone, this would have to do.At the top of the list, he putGym.Then he addedphone, not sure if someone would need to bring one up from Hawkeye or if they could hit a cellular store and pick up one.Getting it all set up to suit him would keep him occupied, at least for a while.
He made a few more notes, things he wanted to ask the doctors.Things he wanted to ask the police.They’d been by to see him once, and been disappointed when he’d let them know he couldn’t remember anything.But they’d refused to tell him much, saying that the doctors had requested they not share to give his mind a chance to possibly remember before anyone filled in the gaps for him.He didn’t like it.He’d wanted to yell.To scream at someone to just fucking tell him what had happened, but he’d held his temper, at least until they left and it was just his brothers, who were used to his temper.Not that he’d screamed at them.But once it had just been him and his brothers, he could let loose the string of profanity that likely would have made the nurses blush.
Spider leaned his head back, trying to remember what else he’d wanted to add to this list.There had been a couple of things he’d thought of, but he’d been busy trying to talk Fletch and the others into leaving him on his own, at least overnight.
A knock on his door made him look up.He saw the nurse who had introduced herself an hour before, but he couldn’t remember her name.He hoped he wasn’t here long enough to learn all their names, but knew that was likely a pipe dream.
“Come on in,” he said, though she hadn’t waited.He had only been awake for a couple of days, but he’d already figured out that most staff didn’t knock to ask permission to enter, but to alert you that they were coming in.He could handle it for a while but if he was stuck here for too long, then he’d get cranky, he knew.
“Good evening,” she glanced around the room.“Did everyone step out for a bit?”
Spider shook his head.“They’re gone.At least until tomorrow.I finally convinced them I wasn’t going to disappear or do myself in if they left me alone for a few hours.”
“They’re worried about you.That’s good.You’ll need some help to adjust and it’s wonderful that you have so many people who want to be there for you.”She shook her head.“It’s sad how many people have no one to come see them or to help them.”She moved to the side of the bed and scanned her ID.She gave him a sideways glance.“You know that’s really not funny.Especially considering what you’ve been through and what you’ve got to look forward to.”
“I know, but if I don’t find things to laugh about, I’ll cry, and the last thing I need is to have a pretty girl find me crying like a baby.”
She turned and looked at him a moment, her gaze assessing.He noticed she wore a name tag that read Heather.Thatwas her name.
“You know the phrase ‘half in jest?’”Do you know the rest of it?”She put her hands on her hips and watched him while she waited for his answer.
Spider frowned as he tried to remember if he’d heard it, he was sure he had but he didn’t know if it was how tired he was or the pain medication that was still messing with his mind, but he couldn’t remember the rest of the phrase.
“I’m sure I’ve heard it, but I can’t recall the rest.”
“Half in jest, all in truth.”She watched him for a moment longer.Spider wasn’t sure what she was thinking, and he didn’t have the energy to try to puzzle it out.“Are you considering it?Did you convince your friends to leave so you can kill yourself?”
Spider stared back at her for a moment.
“I’m not going to lie to you and say it hasn’t crossed my mind.But that’s not the kind of man I am.”He lifted the notepad he’d been writing on and offered it to her.“This is what I was working on.Does it look like something someone not planning to be here tomorrow would do?”
She took the pad and stared at it for a moment.
“You want to get out and about?”
“I do.I’m not used to sitting still, and staring at these four walls is going to drive me batty, even with people in and out all day and night.”
She looked up at him for a moment, then handed the pad back.
“I can’t make promises, but I’ll see what I can do.You’re non-weight bearing on your leg, so it will have to be in a wheelchair, and I won’t be able to do it if we have an emergency, but I’ll try.If nothing else, I’ll leave a note for the day nurses to get you moving tomorrow.I’ll also put a message in the system for the doctors and physical therapy that you’d like to get started with that too.They usually wait a little longer, because you’re healing a lot of different things, including the ribs, but we’ll see what we can do.”
“Thank you,” Spider said, his shoulders slumping some as just knowing there was a possibility to get out of this room in the near future making some of the tension in him ease.“And I can handle the ribs.Not my first go round with them, and considering what I’ve got ahead, it probably won’t be the last either.”
