I start to step inside, but the woman rises, crossing the space between us before I can enter. She moves into my path, forcing me back into the hallway with nothing more than her presence and that fake, immovable smile.
"Hale will be up to visit after you've had some time to rest, Mrs. Calder."
The words are soft. Kind, even.
Definitely not a suggestion.
"I don't need to rest. I need to see my son."
"Of course you do." Her smile doesn't waver. "But Mr. Calder feels it would be best if we stick to the new routine. For Hale's sake, of course."
I try to look past her, desperate to see his face. He might be confused or upset or scared.
But he's already turned back to his new toys.
This woman is trying to replace me.
She's been given permission to do everything I do. Touch him.Soothe him. Read to him. Be the one he reaches for when he's hurt or afraid.
And he's letting her.
Because he doesn't know any better.
Because to him, she's just another kind face in a house full of them.
"I'm sure you understand," the woman murmurs gently, her hand resting on the doorframe. "Strict orders."
Then she steps back and closes the door in my face.
I stand in the hallway staring at the wood for a long time. My reflection is warped and barely visible in the polished surface.
My hands are shaking.
My throat is closing.
I can't breathe.
But I turn and walk away before I make another mistake.
Before I cry. Before I scream. Before I beg.
Before Hale hears me break and learns that his mother is powerless.
That she can't protect him.
That she's already lost.
I was just a role Ewan needed filled. A name on paper. A face at dinner parties. Something to use and break at his leisure.
And now that he's decided I'm no longer useful in the way he wants, he's taking the only thing that made any of this bearable.
SEVENTEEN
TRISTAN
Seventy-two hours breathing the same air as Keira and my son, but I still haven't confirmed it's actually them.
Never thought my sanity would be worn this thin, but I guess everyone does have a breaking point, and this is mine.
