Having a full-blown panic attack in this tiny bathroom.
How long have I been hugging my knees like this?
Has it been ten minutes yet?
He's going to take Hale from me.
I'm on the floor, cradling my knees and gasping for air that won't come.
I'm going to pass out soon, and then he's going to take my baby from me.
There is nothing I can do to stop him.
The thoughts spiral, each one worse than the last. Switzerland. Boarding school. I see Hale's eyes growing distant and cold, empty of any memory of me.
The cry that rips out of me sounds like a dying animal.
I pull at my arms, at my neck, at anywhere I can reach, needing to feel something other than this soul-crushing panic.
You're going to lose your son. What even is the point after that?
I don't want to live in a world where Hale is no longer with me.
I just don't want to live anymore.
The door opens and I throw my hands up instinctively.
He's back…no, please no.
"Y-ou…yyyo—lock…ed—" I can't talk.
Fuck. I can't even get my words out to explain that he locked me in here.
"Keira."
Not Ewan's voice.
I can't see him in the dark and through the tears, but it sounds like Henri. Maybe I'm hallucinating him.
"Jesus Christ."
He drops to his knees in front of me, and I try to force myself further back, but it's nearly impossible. The spasms from rapid breathing have turned my hands and feet into claws, forcing my muscles to contract and tighten.
"Hey. Hey. It's okay. I'm here."
It's not okay. It's never going to be okay. I'm losing my baby.
"Keira. I need you to breathe with me. Can you do that?" He sounds like Henri but also nothing like him. The French accent is gone.
Am I dreaming again?
This is so not the time.
My chest heaves. No air. There's no air in this room.
"In for four." He's breathing audibly, making it easy to follow. "One…two…three…four. Hold it. One…two…three…four. Now out. One…two…"
I try to match the rhythm he's setting. My lungs stutter and catch, but ever so slowly they start to remember how to function.
