He doesn’t hesitate, repeating the words. “Dominik. Do you love him?”
I don’t know how to answer that. That word, the concept, it’s completely unfamiliar to me. How could I possibly experience an emotion I’ve never felt before? How would I ever be able to identify romantic love? I wouldn’t even know where to begin.
“I care about him, but there is nothing going on between us.” The lie just falls right out of my mouth, and I don’t even know why. I don’t think Aaron would hold it against me if I came clean, but some part of me just won’t allow it.
It’s years of fear holding me back.
“That’s not what I asked. Do you love him?”
I laugh. “I don’t know what love is.”
My brother’s gray eyes are piercing as he stares into my soul, gently resting his hand on my shoulder as he pulls me into a hug.
We remain like that for a long time, holding onto one another before he whispers into my ear. “I think you know so much more about love than you let on, Zoe. I think you’ve wanted it for so long but forced it away, and for good reason. But you deserve to be happy. You deserve to feel it all, and you shouldn’t have to push anything away out of fear. Because if you’re worried about me, I’m not going anywhere. Nothing in this world could tear us apart.”
I can’t recall when exactly the tears drenched my face during Aaron’s speech. It’s not his words that triggered my sadness; it’s the overwhelming sense of belonging. Like I finally got my brother back. Or maybe it was hearing him say he’s not goinganywhere. Because someone as fractured as me needs to hear those words sometimes.
Maybe this is what it means to love. To be accepted and seen for exactly who you are.
In total darkness and in blinding light.
24
DOMINIK
There is nothing worse than being confined to your bed for days. I’m not used to idleness. Athletes don’t do well with this limitation. It’s been four days of this torment, and I’m already losing my fucking mind. When you can’t sleep or quiet your mind while stuck in bed, there are few distractions available. That injury keeps replaying in my head until it becomes painful and I have to rest. Then I wake up and repeat the entire cycle. Trying to recount every detail as if that’s going to change the outcome. It’s anger-inducing. I have no memory of what happened. Where did that hit come from?
I was definitely focused on the game. For the most part. It’s possible that my eyes kept wandering toward the stands, unable to resist the distraction that is Zoe. There are a few unclear details though. Like Aaron and Via looking pissed off to hell. And then I started to worry, thinking maybe Aaron had found out about Zoe and me. Then again at the hospital when Zoe bolted out of the room, Aaron went quiet. He seemed to be struggling with something but dismissed it as soon as I questioned him.
I don’t want to cause her any more pain. I’ve caused enough to last us both a lifetime. Besides, she’ll never forgive me if I’m the reason something happens between her and Aaron.
I want to be the one to tell him. I want to go to him as a friend, as his sister’s protector. I want to have a chance to prove my worth. Not that I need his blessing, but I want to show Zoe that we’re worth fighting for.
I planned to tell Aaron about us soon. Maybe even after that game.
I don’t want to hide anymore. I want to proudly flaunt her, to showcase to the world that she is mine—without a doubt, she truly belongs to me.
I want them to see me worship at her altar.
And those feelings have only grown, especially now.
Zoe has stepped up in a way I never imagined she would. Or maybe I died and went to heaven. An alternate reality where she actually wants to be around me, and not just for sex. Because she’s been here every single day after work ever since I got home from the hospital. Taking over the night shift once the nurse leaves.
We haven’t really talked, even though I’ve been itching to ask her how she’s been doing since the incident. Tristan told me she’d been quite distraught, but that seems impossible because she can barely hold eye contact. And she’s been avoiding any actual conversation that doesn’t revolve around my health.
She’s keeping her guard up.
Even though I can do things on my own now, I’ve been milking needing her because it makes me feel close to her. I love the attention, even if it’s done out of guilt. I’ll gladly accept any attention she gives me because I’m always hungry for more of her.
My phone vibrates, and I glance down, noting the front door camera alert.
She’s home.
My heart beats a thousand miles a minute, as if I didn’t see her earlier today or last night. She’s been such a good little nurse, and I’m going to reward her for it as soon as I can.
“Dom?” Zoe calls out to me.
“Up here,” I yell back, smoothing down my black comforter and fluffing up my pillow.
