“The guys who did, they were vampires and had targeted me. They wanted me and used her as bait. When they couldn’t get me, they took her with them. I don’t know what they’ve done to her, but whatever it is, they killed a part of her I’m not sure if any of us will be able to revive.”
It hurts to hear the torment in Evelin’s voice. The blame she feels isn’t warranted. It wasn’t her fault.
“She’s not dead inside,” I whisper, “Just hiding the parts of herself that were wounded.”
I could see death in many forms. It was a gift from my godmother. She taught me to see it when it was coming. When someone was hurting to the core of simply existing, I could see it and identify between hiding and dying.
Kinley was hurting to the point she was protecting herself the one way she knows how, by mentally blocking out everything and everyone she cares about to keep her from losing herself completely. The woman has to be the strongest woman I’ve ever met to be able to survive what she has.
I’ve personally never dealt with such pain, and I don’t want to. It’s probably why I dance, because when I do, I’m free.
Free from thinking. Free from doing anything with my mind. I’m out there, and though there’s an audience, but I don’t see them.
Leon doesn’t allow the patrons to touch me. When I get off stage, a girl quickly collects my tips for me. I’ve done lap dances in the past before Leon made it so I didn’t have to do them. But even then, the client wasn’t allowed to touch me, unlike the other girls, who could give permission to be touched. The girls could make extra that way. It’s his way of protecting me. When I firststarted, he didn’t want me there, but it was there, or I would go somewhere else.
We had a rule at work that made it so he didn’t seem to play favorites. If I wasn’t such a good dancer, I wouldn’t be his headliner, but I am. Growing up, I’d taken dance classes, and it just helped in my love for music. I could dance to anything. It didn’t matter what it was. If it had any type of beat to it, rock, hip-hop, country, or instrumental, I could move to it all.
“You think so?” Evelin asks, watching me closely.
“I know so,” I’m adamant about my answer.
“I believe you.” She smiles and cocks her head. “So, what’s going on between you and my brother?”
“There’s nothing going on,” I blurt. I didn’t want there to be anything going on.
That being said, it doesn’t mean I didn’t like being in his arms and having him kiss me. Enjoy his touch. It was wonderful to feel. Only it couldn’t be. I didn’t live here. I would eventually be going back home, where I belong.
It didn’t even matter the connection we shared, or that I craved to have him touching me. Doing more, like putting that impressive hard-on I’d felt to use.
I wouldn’t mind.
Nope. Stopping right here. I refuse to think of sex with Heat. There’s no way I’m going there with him. I know I’ll end up being hurt in the end when he decides he’s done with me. I just met him, and I know this means the longer I’m around him, the worse it will be. The connection between us, I have to make sure, doesn’t become solidified. I do that, he’ll destroy me in ways no one could ever do.
“Right, so that look you have doesn’t mean anything?” Evelin smiles and leans toward me. “I’ll fill you in on a little secret about my big brother.”
“I don’t need to know anything about him,” I tell her, hoping I don’t sound bitchy.
“Sure you do.” Evelin giggles and shakes her head. “My big brother doesn’t go about things half-ass. He’s not one for giving up, nor is he the type to cower. He sees something he wants, he doesn’t stop until he gets it. From what I gather, you have a target on you that he’s placed.”
That didn’t sound good.
“Another thing to know about Heat, he doesn’t kiss women. Never. It’s a rule of his. The fact he kissed you speaks volumes.”
I struggle to swallow as my lungs constrict, and my breathing becomes shallow. I’m on the verge of a panic attack. I feel it coming, and I can’t stop it.
This is too much.
I hear Evelin calling my name, but it seems muffled, distorted. The sight of her blurs and dots pepper my vision. I try to shake it off, only I can’t. It’s not possible.
I’m stuck, and I can’t get free.
Nothing can free me from it this time.
Suddenly, I’m falling down a black hole, darkness surrounding me.
“Child,” Hel calls out from the deep abyss. “What have you done to yourself?”
“I’m not doing anything.” How is it possible for me to speak when I feel like I’m choking?
