Page 184 of Boardroom Sins

“Lukas, I don’t want to betaken care of. I mean, yes, I do, but not like… Not likethat.Not like a damn houseplant.”

She wriggles out of my arms. I let her go, even though it feels like ripping off a limb.

“I want to bechosen,” she continues. “Notacquiredorcollected. Notkept,like some cute little pet you feed and water and pat on the head when it pleases you.” Her eyes are watery but her jaw is set. “I need to know I’m here because you wantme.”

A bit of my old anger surges up in me, though it’s moving through different channels these days. My hand finds Rae’s waist, and I push her backward until her spine hits the stairway railing. The old wood creaks under the pressure, but I don’t give a fuck if it splinters and takes us both down with it—I just need her to understand that I mean what I say next.

“Sweetheart… you think I gave up a billion-dollar company because I wanted apet?” I cage her in with both arms, my hands gripping the railing on either side of her hips. “I choseyou, Rae. Every hour I don’t answer that phone, I’m choosing you. Every meeting I’m missing, every crisis I’m ignoring, every bridge burning to ash while I stand here with my cock hard and my chest cracked open—that’s mechoosingyou.”

She stares up at me. Those brown eyes are searching my face for something. I don’t know what she’s looking for, but whatever it is, I hope to God she finds it.

“You want to know if you’re chosen?” I lean in until my forehead rests against hers. “Sweetheart, if you so much as shivered, I’d set fire to everything I’ve ever loved just to warm you up.”

I feel her uncertainty in the wavering breath that leaves her lips. “Prove it,” she whispers.

“Tell me how and I will.”

She thinks for a second. Then she says, “Okay. Tell me something you’ve never told anyone.”

Her face is tilted up toward mine. The morning glow through the skylight overhead catches the faint freckles scattered across her nose. Her Cupid’s bow lips are plump and soft. The parallel lines between her brows, the ones that only show up when she’s frowning, come and go, like they aren’t sure whether to jump wholeheartedly into doubt or belief.

She wants the truth.Atruth,anytruth, just so long as it’s a real one.

I could still lie. I’m good at lying. I’ve done it for so long now. Eighteen years and counting.

But she’d know. Iknowshe’d know.

So I give her what she’s asking for instead.

“I held Elena while I killed her,” I croak. I clear my throat. “And it felt so fucking good to watch her go.”

I’ve never said that out loud before. Not to Kir, not to the priests or the cops or the endless well-wishers. Not even to the ghosts that haunt me at three in the morning.

But I’m saying it now.

Toher.

RAE

VOICE MEMO— Rae Everett

Duration: 0:00:22

"I love you, Lukas.” [Pause.] "See? I can say it. I can say it to a fucking phone. I just can't say it to his face."

It felt so fucking good to watch her go.

The Rae from a month ago would be horrified to see what I do when I hear those words.

Because I don’t run screaming to alert the neighbors, the cops, or the media. I don’t slap him across the face and call him a devil.

I reach up and take his face in my hands.

Lukas’s beard is rough against my palms. His jaw is clenched so tight that I can feel the bone creaking beneath my fingertips. Those gray eyes are wet and wild, braced for the revulsion he’s clearly expecting. Surprising tears streak down his rough-hewn cheeks. Two thin, sparkling trickles.

I rise up on my tiptoes and press my lips to his left eyelid, kissing the tears away. Then his right. Soft touches of my lips, barely there. A mirage of them, a dream.