“Don’t,” Lucy interrupts from where she sits at the table, her bruised face a reminder of yesterday’s attack. “Don’t go there. Havoc knows what he’s doing.”
I wrap my arms around myself, trying to contain the fear threatening to tear me apart. The clubhouse feels like a fortress and a prison all at once.
Wyatt stands guard by the front door, his expression grim. Through the window, I can see Kade patrolling the perimeter, hand resting on his holster gun.
“I can’t lose him, too,” I whisper. “I just found him.”
Carol appears with a mug of tea I didn’t ask for. “Men like Havoc don’t go down easy, sweetheart. And he’s got Diesel with him—those two are unstoppable together.”
But all I can think about is my father. He was unstoppable, too, until he wasn’t.
“The Forsaken Kings killed my dad.” The words feel like ash in my mouth. “What if they?—”
“Havoc’s got backup,” Viper says, appearing in the doorway. His usual chaotic energy is subdued today, his eyes constantly scanning. “And he wouldn’t walk into a trap.”
I want to believe him, but fear has its teeth in me. “You don’t understand. I can’t—” My voice breaks. “I can’t lose him. Not when I just found out what it feels like to be loved like this.”
Tank passes through, nodding at something Reaper says outside. “Diesel just checked in. Meeting’s going fine so far.”
Relief washes through me, but fine could mean anything.
“I should be there,” I say, knowing how ridiculous it sounds.
“That’s exactly where you shouldn’t be,” Stray says from his position by the back door. “You’re staying put where we can keep you safe. Havoc would burn this whole town down if anything happened to you.”
I sink into a chair, my legs like jelly. “And what am I supposed to do if anything happens to Havoc?”
I stare at the mug of tea Carol set before me, the steam curling up like the anxiety twisting in my gut. I can’t even bring myself to take a sip.
Lucy pushes herself up from the table with a determined look. “This isn’t cutting it.” She walks to the bar along the wall, wincing slightly from yesterday’s bruises, and pulls out a bottle of tequila and shot glasses. “What we need is something stronger.”
“Lucy, should you be drinking in your condition?” Stray asks, concern etching his features as he watches his pregnant wife.
She gives him a look that could melt steel. “Who said I’m drinking? This is for everyone else.” She pours shots, sliding them across the table to each of us. “Just one for the nerves.”
Carol raises her glass. “Amen to that.”
I lift the shot hesitantly, watching as everyone else does the same.
“To the men coming home safe,” Ruth says.
We throw back the shots, and the tequila burns a fiery path down my throat. I cough, my eyes watering as heat blooms in my chest.
“There you go,” Lucy says, sliding into the chair next to me. She takes my hand, squeezing it firmly. “Now stop with all the what-ifs. Havoc is fine. The meeting is going fine. Diesel’s checking in, which means things are proceeding as planned.”
I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand. “But?—”
“No buts,” Lucy cuts me off. “You’re not going to lose him, Sasha. That man has survived things that would kill most people three times over. And now he has something to live for.” She smiles, gently tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. “He has you.”
I push my empty shot glass toward Lucy. “Another, please.”
Lucy raises an eyebrow but pours another measure of tequila. “Easy there. You don’t want Havoc coming home to find you passed out.”
“I know I’m being paranoid.” I take the glass but don’t drink immediately, rolling the small cylinder between my palms. “It’s just... when my dad died, I had no warning. One minute we were having dinner, and the next—” My words fail me. “I keep waiting for history to repeat itself.”
“That’s understandable,” Lucy says, settling back in her chair. “But you’ve got something now your dad didn’t have then—a whole club watching your back.”
I nod, trying to believe it. “I wish I understood all this better. Before my dad died, I didn’t even know what the Wicked Sinners were. Dad never told me anything.”
