“Athena!” I sound desperate. I sound like I’m breaking apart because I hear the pain in her voice, and I am the reason for it.
“What was the meeting about?” she asks with intent. “Did you kill him, Adrian?”
“Fuck, no, no baby, I had nothing to do with what happened to him!”
“It seems very suspicious to me,” she sighs. “I know you didn’t like him. I know you’ve had issues and confrontations with him in the past.”
“Athena, no. You must believe me. I wanted to meet with your father to try to help him sort out his life. To find a way to get him into recovery so he could stop gambling. Get things straight.”
“Why would you keep his death from me then?”
“I was trying to find out who was responsible. I didn’t want to hurt you with the news without also giving you some respite in terms of knowing how and why it happened,” I explain.
She sighs softly. It sounds like she’s crying again.
“Athena, I am so sorry,” I whisper. “Please come home.”
There is a long pause. A pause that stretches for eternity and steals my soul away with each moment that she doesn’t answer.
But when she does answer, it almost kills me.
“I won’t be coming back, Adrian. You have really hurt me. You presented yourself as a man who would always tell me the truth, only to lie to me about something this important. I lived with my father’s lies all my life without even knowing it. I won’t go through that again.”
“Athena…”
But she has hung up the phone. The line has that hollow, empty, deadness to it.
I dial again right away, but it goes to voicemail.
“Fuck!” I shout in a panic, running to my office. I slam my fingers against the keyboard, typing my password and navigating to the track-and-trace program.
I type in her number.
“I’ll find you, kitten. I’ll come and talk to you in person and explain it again. I’ll explain it a thousand times if I need to.”
But the red circles continue to spin, searching for a signal, trying to connect to her phone, but failing.
I stare at it with growing trepidation.
Eventually, a pop-up informs me that her phone is not available on any network and most likely switched off or in a no-signal area.
She turned it off right after our call.
Why didn’t I track it before I called her! Why was I so stupid!
The office chair groans as I lean back in it. The palms of my hands press into my eyes while panic and pain soak my body. She’s gone. She chose to leave.
I hurt her so badly that she packed a bag and walked out of my life.
How could I have been so stupid!
I did it again.
I did it again, even after promising myself I had learned from my mistakes before. This is how Anka felt. I pushed and pushed, ignoring what she needed, thinking I knew best. I did it so effectively and hurt her so badly that she walked away from me, too.
Fuck! I finally truly understand.
I finally fully, deeply realize the pain that I have to cause someone to make them leave me.
