My heart breaks deeper for the things he’s done. I had no idea. It makes me feel blinded and naive.
It’s so weird to think back and try to work out what was really going on when he was raising me. I lost my mother whenI was too young to remember her. She died and left us alone together. I remember mussing the idea of her, but I had no reference for understanding what it might have been like to have a mom.
He was the only family I ever knew or had. He wasn’t a bad father. He wasn’t abusive or mean. I guess I can tell now all the times he manipulated me because he was out of money. Not because work hadn’t paid him or because he had some unforeseen medical bills or because he helped a friend in need, but all because he was gambling. He always had an excuse or reason. I never questioned him. I thought he was doing his best. And I tried hard to keep us both afloat.
And then there were times when he suddenly had enough money to buy me these random gifts. Expensive things I really didn’t need would actually frustrate me. But I never had the heart to tell him that because I thought he was just being nice. But it was reckless and irresponsible. I wanted him tosavethe money. I guess that was when he hit a good return oninvestmentfrom whatever he stole. Those gifts were bought with stolen money or money from gambling. And either way…it’s unpleasant to think about.He couldn’t save it.He would have just gambled it away.
I am so lost in thought about what I’ve heard Adrian and his brothers saying that I lose track of the conversation in the living room for a bit.
Sighing, I lick my lips and lift my chin, ready to go in there as though I haven’t heard anything.
Behind me, laughter spills from the kitchen.
“What are they up to in there?” one of the guys asks.
“I hope they’re making those hot chocolate bombs they usually make after dinners,” another says.
I take my cue and walk in with a smile.
“Athena,” Adrian grins as soon as he sees me.
“Hi,” I grin back, feeling under the spotlight with so many eyes on me. “The girls wanted to know who wants chocolate…um…”I forgot the name already!
“Chocolate bombs! Speak of the devil!” Trifon laughs.
Every single one of them answers with ayes, me, definitely.Even Adrian, who nods, his eyes piercing into me across the room, and his lips curve into that gorgeous smile.
My cheeks flush red again. This time, it has nothing to do with being shy and everything to do with the way he’s looking at me.
“Ok, I’ll go and let them know,” I mutter.
“Tell them to make it nice and strong. Double chocolate. Double Frangelico!” Matvei says.
Leaving the living room, I wait until I’m out of sight before touching my cheeks. Jeepers, they are burning red. How does Adrian manage to have me heating up so much with just one glance?
In the kitchen, Anka speaks without looking up from the blender, spooning ice cream into it. “Let me guess, double chocolate, double shots?” she muses.
“Exactly that,” I confirm.
“Men are so predictable,” Sofie says.
“I find them incredibly hard to read, actually,” I argue.
“Oh, honey, we grew up with six brothers. They are very basic creatures when it comes down to it,” Anka laughs loudly.
The fire is blazing, spreading warmth and a welcoming glow throughout the living room. I’m sitting on the sofa next to Adrian. He has his arm draped over the chair behind me, not around me, but sort of around me. It’s nice to have his arm sort of around me, but I’m also so hyper aware of how close we’re sitting with his whole family around us. It’s a whole different kind of tension.
At least the fact that his whole family is here is no longer an issue for me. They are all really nice. They’re including me and making me feel like I’m part of the group without any hesitation.
We’ve had too many hot chocolate bombs, and I’m uncomfortably full. But everyone is having fun.
The thing I am enjoying the most is watching Adrian get ripped off by his siblings, and how well he’s taking it—and giving it right back. They tease each other nonstop and have this amazing energy between them all.
Is this what it’s like having a big family? It was just Dad and me growing up. No cousins. No siblings. We didn’t even have dinner parties with friends around.
This is cozy, loving, and special.
It actually hurts a little to realize that I missed out on this my entire life.
