My hands are still shaking even now. My breathing is uneven, and my body feels foreign to me.
Out of nowhere, a sudden, intense anger rushes through me. Anger at him for hiding the truth from me, anger at my father. Anger because I’m scared, and I don’t want to be.
In the next moment, I’m flooded with disgust. I start clawing at the blood-soaked clothes sitting flush against my skin. I need them off. I need the blood off. I need to be clean.
I rush from the guest room into the bathroom. Grabbing the gun on the floor, I ignore the mess of bandages and blood from where I tended to his injuries, and I run upstairs with the gun in my grip, up to my own bedroom.
But then I pause.
Someone has to clean the bathroom. Adrian can’t do it because he’s hurt.
And I can’t just leave it there, it’ll bother me.
So, I take a few deep breaths and head back down.
First, I wipe off and pack away everything that belongs in the med kit. Then I get a cloth and a bucket of hot water.
I use bleach to clean the sink and the tiles because I saw in a movie once that that is how you get rid of blood. The sharp scent of bleach actually calms me, even though it burns my nostrils and eyes. The process makes my mind go blank. It distracts me enough to ease some of the panic away. When I’m done, I feel like I've achieved something.
I pack away the bucket and the mop, then head back up to my own bathroom.
Setting the gun nearby because it is my only sense of comfort right now, I switch the shower on and start peeling off the layers of my filthy clothes. I toss them straight into the bin because I can’t even bear the thought of wearing them again. There is a thick scent of iron in the air, almost overpowering the bleach on my hands, and I didn’t even register it until now. Blood. Blood smells like iron. Images of dead men on a warehouse floor flash through my mind, and I push them away.
When I step under the shower, the water is too hot, but I don’t move. I let it pour over me. It hits me clearly and runs off in red and pink streams. None of this blood is mine, but somehow, I feel like I am bleeding.
I’m bleeding away the person I used to be as the world I used to know disappears.
It’s terrifying. And daunting. And I don’t know where or how I fit into things anymore.
I shower until my skin is burning, scrubbing and rinsing several times. The water is running clear now, even though my thoughts are still a mess.
Wrapping the big, fluffy, white towel around me feels safe and comfortable.
In my bedroom, I sit quietly for a moment before slipping into warm sweatpants and a pink hoodie.
Then I head downstairs to check on Adrian.
His face is coated with a layer of perspiration despite the cold.
I pull his blanket over him and wipe his forehead with a cool cloth. He doesn’t feel like he has a fever, but I guess it’s something I should look out for over time in case he gets an infection.
I have no idea what to do for him. I sit with him for a little while, then leave to make a cup of tea.
I drink the tea, watching him, wondering if he told me the truth about who he is. It’s no surprise he kept it from me; it’s not really something you want to go about advertising to random people.
After a while, the questions become too much, and I decide I have to find answers.
In his office upstairs, I begin pulling open drawers and searching through files.
It’s not difficult to piece things together. Two sets of books for the same warehouse. Code words in handwritten notebooks.
He really is part of the mafia.I am living with a criminal. But not just any criminal—a very powerful, very rich criminal that can probably make anything happen with the snap of his fingers.
Fear ripples through me. My fingers trace over the gun sitting on my lap. I haven’t been able to part with it since he fell asleep. It’s safety. It’s my security net. Just the weight of it makes me feel better.
I walk into my room, sit on my bed again, and then lie down. I put my head on the pillow and close my eyes, thinking that there is no chance in hell I’ll manage to fall asleep. But I do.
And even more surprising, I sleep through the early evening and all the way into the next morning!
